Favorite Quote

I'm not saying that everything is survivable, just that everything except the last thing is.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My Ideal World

My ideal world is... different (well obviously because no one's ideal world is this messed up one we live in, but also different as in a weird way like making the platypus mans' best friend instead of dogs)

First off I hate winter.  Yes, I know it's pretty and it's fun to have snowball fights or make snowmen, but I still hate it.  I'll admit it's pretty when it first falls, but after that it just gets mushy and gross looking.  Plus it's cold and wet, two things that just make me unhappy when put together.  It also doesn't help that I have diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder which is where you get depressed during the winter because of a lack of sunlight, appropriately acronymed SAD (get it? winter makes you sad, it's funny.)
Therefore, in my perfect world we would have no winter.  Just summer and a longer fall and spring.

I also hate hair.  Whoever started the trend of men having short hair and women having long hair should be tested for insanity.  Doing your hair every morning is such a hastle, which is why I don't do my hair anymore.  Luckily, I have this incredible curly hair that looks presentable when all I do is wash it and let it air dry.  But even though I don't have to do my hair I still hate it and want to cut it off (not to the point of shaving it but just cut it short like a guy.)  I also feel terrible for the millions of girls out there who don't have gorgeous curly locks that actually have to do something to their hair every morning.
So in my world everyone would have short hair.

Not only do I hate head hair, but body hair is even worse.  It's not just because shaving your legs and armpits every day is such a hastle, but because I actually think having hairy bodies is gross.  I don't mind hair on top of your head or your eyebrows, but in my ideal world there would be no hair on the rest of your body.

I have to make a "hurt feelings" disclosure before I make my next statement: If you are not at the weight you wish to be at then please don't read on...

My ideal world would have no fat people.  No, it's not because I'm a stupid girlie bimbo who thinks that you have to have an unrealistic model body to be pretty.  I'm simply scared of fat people.  When I was little I had an irrational fear that I would somehow get stuck in a persons fat rolls and I would suffocate to death.  Also it's very bad for your health... but mostly it's the fact that I still have an irrational fear of fat people.

Another thing I would change is having children.  Instead of having an extremely disgusting (and might I add painful) emergence from a uterus, babies would be dropped off on your front porch by a stork just like the Mother Goose stories say that babies come to be.  I've just seen too many births in my Medical Anatomy class back in High School that it made me never want to go through that process.  I have always wanted to be a mother though, I'll admit I'm even a little baby hungry, but it would just be so much nicer to have a baby dropped off by a stork than having to spend 9 months carrying around some alien in my abdomen that causes me pain, discomfort, mood swings, and odd cravings, and after those 9 months experiencing a very long a painful delivery.

I promise you that there are plenty more things i would change to make my ideal world, but at the moment I am extremely tired, it is 1:09 in the morning, and I have an 8a.m. class to attend.  So I need to sleep (ironically in my ideal world we would never have to sleep, we still would be able to but it would just be a form of relaxation and meditation instead of a need to function properly.)

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha about the fat rolls sucking you in, it reminds me of a story in. . . either the Bible or the Book of Mormon. (I'm pretty sure it's the Bible) But there is one where a really fat guy gets stabbed in the stomach and his fat rolls engulf the knife. Haha that has always been one of my favorite scripture stories, and that is how I know the scriptures are true.