Now the moment is over. Moving on.
Next topic is my relationship with literature: I fell in love with books at a very young age...
Wait! There's that word again. Love. Weird.
New topic: Theatre! That should be easy to talk about, right? Because I love it so much...
Love! What? *awkward chuckle* No...
Topic number 3: Love.
WOW! This is just getting ridiculous now.
And no! I'm not in love!
That's crazy talk.
Okay, but really, let's talk about love.
None of this love is patient, or love is kind crap either! And don't get me started on this love is blind business.
Now lets take a moment and list all of the things that love isn't: patient, kind, blind, easy, stupid, hard, worth it, wonderful, giddy, tiring, confusing, compassionate, freedom, truth, or any other random words you can think of.
Now onto the real purpose of this blog post, where I tell you exactly what love is:
Love is an absolutely terrifying creature from a place so dark and scary that even the depths of Edgar Allen Poe's mind cannot compare. It is an invisible creature that can control our minds into thinking crazy thoughts of caring and compassion towards someone other than ourselves. It is a sick sick beast who enjoys watching us pine over people we "care deeply" about when we should really just be focusing on our own happiness and satisfaction in life. Love is a manipulative freak who also enjoys putting thoughts of joy and happiness into our heads when we are with certain people that we "love."
The worst thing that Love can do to you is have that one person you are pining over start "loving" you back. It's absolutely disgusting! Feelings get involved, people become mushy, marriage happens, and suddenly you have someone you must care about constantly as well as yourself. That's just ridiculous! We are selfish creatures, meant to only care about ourselves. Love is messing with the very fabric of reality and that is why I propose we stop Love in his tracks!
We must form an anti-love campaign and ruin all of Love's plans. I propose we start with kidnapping Love from his home in Amsterdam so he can't manipulate people anymore. Then we hang him on a flagpole by his underwear and because he is invisible no one will ever know he's up there so he will never be rescued. Therefore Love will forever be hanging from that flagpole by his underwear. I believe that a permanent wedgie like that is exactly what Love deserves for what he has done to all these poor helpless people!
After putting Love on a pole we must save all the poor innocent people who have already fallen to Love's keen arrow. We will snap everyone out of their love dazed minds and back into reality where we all use each other to get what we want without really caring for anyone else's feelings. Then the world will be right again!