Step-by-Step How To Get a Boyfriend

Step 1: locate boy that you desire to be yours.

Step 2: never talk to boy.

Step 3: stalk boy in every way possible.

Step 4: pretend you just happened to be in the area when boy catches you following him.

Step 5: ignore the restraining order and continue to stalk boy.

Step 6: leave adorable presents on his doorstep that can possibly be mistaken as death threats.

Step 7: finally see him and profess your love for him in a public setting.

Step 8: write him every day from jail.

Step 9: think of him throughout the shock therapy.

Step 10: ignore the doctors who tell you that he isn't real.

Step 11: cry when he doesn't come visit you.

Step 12: physically hurt everyone who tells you that you're crazy.

Step 13: make a miraculous recovery after 5 years of intense rehab.

Step 14: locate boy and explain to him that you were lying to the doctors when you told them that you understood that he wasn't real.

Step 15: ditch your probation officer and move to Paris to live with said boy.

Step 16: marry said boy in a small ceremony in your shared apartment.

Step 17: live happily ever after.