Favorite Quote

I'm not saying that everything is survivable, just that everything except the last thing is.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Step-by-Step How To Get a Boyfriend

Step 1: locate boy that you desire to be yours.
Step 2: never talk to boy.
Step 3: stalk boy in every way possible.
Step 4: pretend you just happened to be in the area when boy catches you following him.
Step 5: ignore the restraining order and continue to stalk boy.
Step 6: leave adorable presents on his doorstep that can possibly be mistaken as death threats.
Step 7: finally see him and profess your love for him in a public setting.
Step 8: write him every day from jail.
Step 9: think of him throughout the shock therapy.
Step 10: ignore the doctors who tell you that he isn't real.
Step 11: cry when he doesn't come visit you.
Step 12: physically hurt everyone who tells you that you're crazy.
Step 13: make a miraculous recovery after 5 years of intense rehab.
Step 14: locate boy and explain to him that you were lying to the doctors when you told them that you understood that he wasn't real.
Step 15: ditch your probation officer and move to Paris to live with said boy.
Step 16: marry said boy in a small ceremony in your shared apartment.
Step 17: live happily ever after.

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