Favorite Quote

I'm not saying that everything is survivable, just that everything except the last thing is.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Dear man who commented on my high-waisted jeans,


Just wow.

First off, it's a good thing I didn't wake up and get dressed with the sole purpose of pleasing you, because I obviously would have failed in that attempt.  I'm very grateful that girls don't choose their clothing based on what they think guys like you will enjoy.  If girls started to dress solely to impress you then strip clubs would start going out of business.  Instead all the misogynistic pigs like you could just sit on street corners and goggle at us as we walked by.  So I'd like to take a moment and thank all the women of this world for not putting strip clubs out of business.

Second, if you're going to talk about a girl who is only ten feet away from you maybe you should learn how to whisper.  It's a really great skill to have and I'm sure if you look on youtube you could find some tutorials that would help you out.  That way this girl won't accidentally hear what you are saying about her and shake up your already opened 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew when you leave your cart unattended.  Also, why was that open?  Could you really not wait ten minutes to start drinking it?

Thirdly, no.  As a matter of fact I do not secretly weigh 250 lbs.  If I could somehow manage to hide an extra 132 lbs. of fat in these jeans then you can be gosh darned sure that I am going to keep them and wear them every day because they have got to be some freaking magical pants!  So therefore your argument in null and void, because with the way you were checking me out I'm sure you'd rather see a 118 lb. girl in high-waisted jeans than a 250 lb. girl in anything else.

Last of all, you look like a half orc who took a nasty cheese grater to the face.  So maybe instead of insulting pretty girls with your semi-better-looking brother you should join a gym and invest in some decent acne wash.  Then maybe you might be able to get a girlfriend and spend your time making out instead of wandering around Walmart with your little brother.

Also, flip flops? Really?  You do realize that your feet are disgusting, right?  Sorry, I guess I just assumed that anyone with large grossly hairy feet like yours would know not to display them in public.  But I guess we learned with your failed attempt at whispering that you don't have that many brain cells.

Love, the super sexy girl you wish you could get but can't because your social skills suck.

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