Dear Ordain Women,

Facebook has been blowing up with news about this whole Ordain Women movement for the past couple of days so I finally decided to look into what this is.  I was pleased to find a very amusing website, ordainwomen.org.  Now this is the point in my post that I must warn any supporters of Ordain Women, or any feminists, to leave immediately!  If you don't stop reading now I cannot be held responsible for your offended feelings.  You have been warned!

Anyway, I find this Ordain Women movement incredibly funny!  I literally laughed out loud when I was reading their mission statement.  Now I don't claim to be an expert in the Mormon church, but I will say I know enough to have an opinion on this matter, and my opinion is that y'all are being stupid!  (Yes, I just used the word y'all, get over it!)

WOMEN BIRTH CHILDREN!!  Yes, I understand that you Ordain Women argue that fatherhood is just as equal to motherhood.  You say that "Priesthood power is separate and distinct from parenthood and gender."  But that is complete and utter horse crap!  Yes, fatherhood and motherhood are equal, but the actual ability to shove a child out of your nether regions is not!

My dears you are fighting a losing battle.  Asking to be ordained into the priesthood is just like asking God if your husband could be the one to birth your next child.  Men and Women have different but distinct roles in the LDS Church, and it just so happens that our specific role as women is to have babies.  As more children are born into this gospel the more we grow as a church; so clearly our role of making babies is INCREDIBLY important!  And come on ladies, can't we give our men something special?  Let them have the priesthood and leave us to the baby birthing (seriously, just imagine how unimportant the men in our lives feel when we take 9 precious months of our lives to create and nurture something so sacred to our heavenly father!  I mean sure the men help out by giving you foot rubs, or going to the grocery store to buy oranges to squeeze you fresh orange juice at three in the morning, but it's our bodies that take the physical toll.  Let the men have some sort of importance in the church, because without us women there is no church!)

Now I know that the Ordain Women will most likely have a counter argument to my opinion, but honestly I could care less what that argument will be.  My opinion is my opinion and no matter what they may say that opinion is not going to change, and I'm sure that they are thinking the exact same thing towards my argument.  Nothing I say will change their desire to be priesthood holders, and that isn't what this post is about, I am simply writing down my opinion on the matter.  Plus, it was a hoot writing some of these sentences!

Now y'all have a good day, make good choices, remember who you are, and all that great stuff!

Tips For Me, From Me

1. Be willing to change
2. Accept responsibility
3. Do more Yoga!
4. Stock up on chap stick
5. Shop at thrift stores more
6. Hang out with the girls more
7. Dollar stores are a wonderful place (but not for toilet paper!)
8. Eat more breakfast 
9. Call mom when you need help
10. Never buy name brands, go to Ross and Marshalls instead!
11. Always try clothes on before you buy them
12. Drink more water! In fact buy a water bottle to keep on you at all times.
13. Get a microwavable heat pad!
14. Exercise when stressed
15. Find a scent you love and stick with that scent
16. Take more bubble baths!
17. Read more books! In fact make a list of books to read!
18. Get your beauty sleep
19. Remember that pancakes always taste better with chocolate chips in them
20. Buy some free weights and use them
21. Buy more whole grain bread; if you can't remember you actually LOVE that stuff, especially as toast!
22. Start putting your keys in the same place so you stop loosing them
23. Just be healthy
24. Establish a laundry routine
25. You're in the habit of waking up early, don't lose that!
26. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you're not sure (but PLEASE do ask for help if you need it)
27. Buy big carrots instead of baby carrots, they taste better
28. Eat slower
29. Read more classics, unless they're boring, because reading a boring book is NEVER worth it!
30. Create a morning routine
31. Be present (even when doing mundane things like showering and eating)
32. Believe in your dreams
33. Go through your closet and donate anything you don't wear 
34. Travel whenever possible
35. Do more volunteer work
36. Revamp your bucket list and start working on completing it
37. Blog and Journal more
38. "Unplug" more often
39. Be honest with yourself
40. Cut down on the soda
41. Stop being afraid to take the risk
42. Live in the moment (Forever is composed of nows!)
43. Take advantage of when the sun is out
44. Become a social BAMF!
45. Whenever you feel down dress up
46. Good posture is a must
47. Walk like the confident person you are

The Love Inside

I throw to the wind what we cannot see:

The thoughts and feelings of you and me.

Physical tokens I may throw away

But the feelings I must keep at bay.

For now I will strive to hide

The love I must keep inside.

The memory of our first kiss,

Your hand in mine; absolute bliss!

Your arms, so strong and sure,

Keeping me warm, safe and secure.

Hoping someday to be your bride,

Expressing the love I have inside.

Knowing I can't see your face,

And remembering our last embrace,

Trying to suppress thoughts of you

As day by day I carry through.

Attempting to set aside

The love I still have inside.

Hoping that we weren't a waste

And that my love was not misplaced.

Getting through each day by faking

That my heart isn't really breaking.

Knowing we've been put aside

Along with the love I keep inside.

My Embarrassing Moments:

I recently began a public humiliation of my friend Ian by using this adorable picture of him from his most awkward years:

No, I do not feel bad about this, because it's all purely friendly.  But just in case I felt as if I should bequeath unto him some embarrassing things about me to make it fair.

#1:  I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

See that stuffed Simba I'm clutching in this picture?  Yeah. . .  Not only do I still sleep with it but once upon a time I had an ex boyfriend who stole that stuffed animal from me.  And I cried.  A lot.  And no, it wasn't because of our broken relationship, I cried because I didn't have my Simba anymore.  It was pathetic.  And this happened in college!  No I wasn't some 15 year old sap.  I was 18 and living on my own.

I was so broken up over the loss of my stuffed Simba that my mom scoured the Internet until she found an exact replica of my old Simba, which she immediately bought to sooth my pain.  I eventually got my old Simba back, and it was such an amazing day that I even remember the date!  July 2nd 2011!  See!  I was so pathetically broken up over loosing this stuffed animal that I remember the exact date I was reunited with it.

#2:  This.

I don't even know what is happening in this picture.  All I know is that I have long, straight hair and my face looks like that...

#3:  Also this.

I have no words for this one. . .

#4:  I am a huge cry baby.  I'm so bad that I cry EVERY time I go to the dentist.  And once it was even caught on camera.

I was also about to get a shot, so I feel as if I deserved to cry!  Shots in the mouth are the absolute worst!

#5:  Once upon a time I was in the musical Grease.  And there was an odd number of girls to guys and since I was terrible at making friends back then I didn't have anyone to learn the partner dance with during the prom scene.  Therefore when performance time rolled around they made me the punch server during that scene.  And the entire scene I was so bored I ended up talking to a cup.

There I am on the right with the aforementioned cup.

#6:  Sometimes I go out in public in the most ridiculous outfits imaginable.

#7:  I wear a snorkel whenever I chop onions.

#8:  When I was in my first year of high school my friends thought I was really cool.  So when we thought about who was going to get married first they thought I was going to be the first one to get hitched (behind our OLDER friend Sharlene, of course.)  So we made a list of the order we thought we'd get married in.

Then after a couple years we all were out to lunch together and decided to remake the list.  By that time my friends had realized how incredibly awkward I was and decided I definitely shouldn't be first anymore.  So they moved me to the very bottom of the list.  They even debated about taking me off the list completely because I'd probably never find a guy who could deal with me (all in friendly joking of course... at least I think it was friendly joking...)


And now for my most embarrassing moments of all time:

To preface this I must tell you that I have very poor bladder control.  It's due to this medical condition I have called 'Bladder and Kidney Reflux.'  And yes, it is a real thing!  (I think the more medically acclaimed term is Vesicoureteral Reflux.)

Anyway, because of this condition I have poor bladder control.  And due to this lack of control there have been instances where I have peed myself in public.

Once upon a time I was on a cruise with my entire Dayton side of the extended family.  On this said cruise we had a very fancy dinner one night, and to go to this very fancy dinner we all wore very fancy clothing.  I wore a very pretty black and white cocktail dress.

So here I am at said fancy dinner in said fancy dress when my two immature cousins begin a competition to see who can be funnier using me as the judge.  The point of the competition was to see if either of them could get water to come out my nose (because that tends to happen a lot apparently.)  So they start telling jokes and acting stupid, and I realize I need to pee.  Now I'm quite a ways away from the nearest bathroom and to get to this bathroom I'd have to walk through a MASSIVE crowd of people waiting to be seated for their respective fancy dinners.  So I decide I'll just hold it until we are all done with dinner.

And to that grand idea my bladder said NO!  So the next funny thing that was said instead of water coming out my nose, I am peeing in my very fancy dress.  So I bolt to the nearest bathroom, go to my room to change, and don't eat dinner that night.

A couple years later I have graduated high school and am now in my freshman year of college.  I've made a great group of friends who have me literally rolling around laughing almost every day.  The dorm I was living in at the time had shared bathrooms for each floor, and my bathroom happened to be diagonally to the left from my room.  So it got to the point where I habitually went diagonally to the left whenever I was walking to the restroom.

One day I was in my friends room who lived exactly to the right of me and we were cracking jokes and having a good time when suddenly I need to pee.  And this is not the kind of pee that I can hold.  I have to go NOW!  So I quickly exit the room with my friends following me and go diagonally to the left straight into the room that is across the hall from my actual room.  When I realized my mistake I immediately shut their door and dissolved onto the hall floor laughing my guts out, where I then began to pee my pants in front of my friends.

And now we move to my most embarrassing moment of all time:  Last semester I got a really bad bladder infection.  So after my classes I went to the Instacare before work so I could get some medicine prescribed to me.  When I got there it was pretty busy so I called my boss to let him know I might be a little late.  After a while I eventually got in to see a doctor who told me that I probably had an infection (no duh!) and then proceeded to poke and prod me and eventually had me pee into a cup (which, by the way, I am really good at now due to the numerous times I have had to do it over the years.)  After the official results he prescribed me some medication and I went out to my car to quickly pick up the medicine on my way to work.

When I got to my car I realized that I had locked my keys inside.  I was already feeling miserable due to my bladder feeling as if it was on fire, but this was just the yucky icing on the carrot cake!  So I called my best friend to see if she could come pick me up.  Luckily she wasn't busy so she came and got me and then took me to Smiths and then work.

At work I was stuck with a bunch of odd jobs that day so I had to continually check in with my boss about what I needed to do next.  And unfortunately when I have a bladder infection my bladder control is even worse than normal.  So there I am in my bosses office asking him what I need to do next.  He begins a long explanation about how to get spider-webs off the sides of the building when suddenly I am peeing my pants with no warning.  I immediately run out of his office and into the bathroom.

Eventually I worked up the courage to exit the bathroom and return to my bosses office.  He politely asked me if I needed to go home, and I graciously left.  But I still had no car.  So I then proceeded to walk from the Administration building, all the way across campus, and back to my house, which was a very uncomfortable walk due to the circumstances.  So what do I do on this walk?  I call my mother and immediately begin relaying what just happened through my sobbing.  When I finally got home I was surprised to find that my best friend wasn't home, so I took a shower.

When I got out my best friend still wasn't home so I crawled into bed and tried to drown my shame in Netflix.  My best friend and my boyfriend are both really good friends with each other, and I had been talking to them both throughout the day about how miserable I had been feeling.  Later that night they both came into my room with ice cream and my keys.  As soon as I saw that they had managed to get my keys out and that they had also brought me ice cream I dissolved into tears.  So not only did I pee my pants in front of my boss that night I also cried in front of my two best friends!  And that is my most embarrassing moment thus far in my life.

My Sad Sedentary Life

Once upon a time I used to be fun.  I was someone who was constantly looking for fun activities to do with my friends!  Now all I do is watch Netflix and take naps, which can't even constitute as an activity.  Those are passivities at best.  Basically I have become a slug, a very boring slug.  For all those of you who know me now it may be hard for you to believe that I was once a very fun person, so I shall give you proof:

I play laser tag!  Look!!!!!! ^^^^^^^ see me!!!! Not only do I play laser tag, but I win.  At least every time I play with Kenna and Adam I win.... which might not be saying much.

I also used to be so fun that I got a picture holding a snake with a Johnny Depp look-a-like!

Is it weird that I was more excited to hold the snake in this picture than stand next to the Johnny Depp fake?  I love snakes.  Which I deem as fun (even though most people I know are scared of snakes and do not think they are fun.)

More proof that Amanda is fun:

I still play with Hot Wheels!  Yes, this could also be seen as childish instead of fun, but compared to the aforementioned sluggish Amanda, this childish Amanda is fun!

I sometimes make armor out of cardboard, and then wear it in public.  Also childish.  BUT FUN!

When I get bored I occasionally make finger painting masterpieces!

I make stupid faces in pictures when all my friends are smiling and look gorgeous.

I have handstand competitions!  I never win, but I at least participate.

I used to be so cool that I could explain my love life by drawing with chocolate sauce on a napkin... needless to say there was an octagon of love at that time in my life.

I sometimes pretend to be such an angst encumbered teen that my mom puts me in... whatever this thing is.  Honestly I don't remember what it was.  But I think I remember something about an insane asylum, and this was a patients bed.  Or I might be making that all up.  But, hey!  Having an imagination is fun!

I drank out of a re-purposed toilet fountain!  That's fun, right?

I was once so fun that I took a bunch of twelve year old's cliff jumping!

I shot guns!

Got stuck in dryers!

Played "Are you there?" (for those of you who don't know:  "Are you there?" is a game where you roll up two newspapers with duct tape, give those weapons to two people, blindfold those people, and watch them wallop on each other.  I got many a good bruises and goose eggs from that game!  Whether it was from actually getting hit, or diving head on into a fireplace corner.)

I was once so fun that I found the secret entrance to Narnia through a bush in St. George!

And to top it all off, I eat with my face.  Wait, technically everyone eats with their face because your mouth is part of your face.  What I mean is I eat without my arms.

The point of this blog is to point out that I have become a sad sedentary college student, and that must change.  So please, dear friends, next time you're planning on doing something fun INVITE ME!

Communication is Key

I recently came across a website called Formal Notices from the Bureau of Communication.  It is this really great site that was created to help people better communicate by introducing a fill in the blank letter for all kinds of things.  There is a formal apology, a statement of gratitude, a declaration of romantic intent, a marriage proposal, and even a universal non-disclosure agreement.

Obviously I found this absolutely brilliant and hysterical.  So I made this Declaration of Romantic Intent and I sent it to Josh.

As you will notice in the Please Reply portion I have checked Immediately, In Writing, and With Enthusiasm.  And this is how he chose to reply:

I got home from MacBeth rehearsal last night completely exhausted.  I have to wake up early for work every morning and stay up late for rehearsals so I'm usually super tired when I get home and I crawl right into bed.  When I laid down I felt a paper beneath my pillow, which was weird because my bed is my happy place and I refuse to bring homework into my happy place, so the likelihood of it being something of mine was very slim.  When I pulled it out it was a square piece of paper that said "#17  Because I'd still love you if you turned into a 'mole girl'."

My curiosity was peeked and I immediately started ripping apart my bedroom to find more of these wonderful little papers.  I have so far found numbers 15, 7, 9, 13, 4, and 5.  When I asked Josh about these delightful papers that were making my stomach do a number of gymnastic flips he sent me a text that said "Reasons why I lo... you're awesome.  #1 you will be taking the time to find all 35 reasons."

Clearly I have the coolest boyfriend in the world.  Well, he'd be even cooler if he would just tell me where he's hid the rest of these smile inducing papers, but he refuses.  Therefore I have drafted this official complaint:

The end.

Dear Young Man,

I have never talked to you, met you, or even seen you, I only know your name and what an amazing person you must be.  I want to take this time to thank you for reaching out to someone who is usually ignored by most of the teenagers her age.

My little sister is one of the most inspirational and amazing people I know.  She has been through her fair share of serious trials and probably about 15 more added onto that.  And even after all that she has been through, all that she deals with daily, and everything else in her life that I can guarantee she goes through when the rest of us don't see, she is the most loving and happy person I know.  She is constantly trying to make people smile, laugh, and just feel good about life.  She is the most loving person I know, but people don't seem to see that.

The only thing they see is a short, red-headed, socially awkward 16 year old who looks more like a 13 year old.  She may have some mental and physical differences, but no she is not in fact mentally disabled.  She may be slower than most when it comes to learning, she may not be as coordinated as most girls her age, and no she still doesn't eat solid foods and instead gets all her nutrition from a nutritionally enhanced drink, but she is an amazing person!  And when you take the time to get to know her you'll realize that and fall in love with her adorable personality.

You took the time to get to know her and saw how wonderful she was, and because of that you wanted to make her happy the same way she tries to make others happy.  I am so glad that you asked my sister to Homecoming!  No she probably didn't enjoy the day activity as much as everyone else (she can't actually golf, and she doesn't eat ice cream), and yes she will most likely cringe at how loud the music is (her ears are very sensitive and she hates loud noises), and yes she will get tired during the dance (probably before the dance is even half over), and no she probably won't have much to talk about with you (unless you talk about Pokemon or Avatar: the Last Airbender), but she is so excited to go the the dance with you.  And because you asked her she gets to experience something that we were never sure she would get to experience.

Thank you for being an amazing and caring young man, and asking my little sister to a High School dance.  It was incredibly thoughtful of you and I'm sure that as the schools star basketball player you could have asked anyone you wanted, but you asked her.  Thank you for that!  I appreciate everything you've done.  I'm impressed that you met my parents to ask about her likes and dislikes, and I'm impressed that you have taken one of your own fun High School nights and made it about someone else.

You are an amazing young man, and you will grow up to be an equally amazing man!  Thank you again for not only making my sister incredibly happy, but my whole family as well.