Love

Let's talk about love for a moment.

Love.

Now the moment is over.  Moving on.

Next topic is my relationship with literature:  I fell in love with books at a very young age...

Wait!  There's that word again.  Love.  Weird.

Moving on!

New topic:  Theatre!  That should be easy to talk about, right?  Because I love it so much...

Love!  What?  *awkward chuckle* No...

MOVING ON!

Topic number 3:  Love.

WOW!  This is just getting ridiculous now.

And no!  I'm not in love!

That's crazy talk.

Okay, but really, let's talk about love.

None of this love is patient, or love is kind crap either!  And don't get me started on this love is blind business.

Now lets take a moment and list all of the things that love isn't:  patient, kind, blind, easy, stupid, hard, worth it, wonderful, giddy, tiring, confusing, compassionate, freedom, truth, or any other random words you can think of.

Now onto the real purpose of this blog post, where I tell you exactly what love is:

Love is an absolutely terrifying creature from a place so dark and scary that even the depths of Edgar Allen Poe's mind cannot compare.  It is an invisible creature that can control our minds into thinking crazy thoughts of caring and compassion towards someone other than ourselves.  It is a sick sick beast who enjoys watching us pine over people we "care deeply" about when we should really just be focusing on our own happiness and satisfaction in life.  Love is a manipulative freak who also enjoys putting thoughts of joy and happiness into our heads when we are with certain people that we "love."

The worst thing that Love can do to you is have that one person you are pining over start "loving" you back.  It's absolutely disgusting!  Feelings get involved, people become mushy, marriage happens, and suddenly you have someone you must care about constantly as well as yourself.  That's just ridiculous!  We are selfish creatures, meant to only care about ourselves.  Love is messing with the very fabric of reality and that is why I propose we stop Love in his tracks!

We must form an anti-love campaign and ruin all of Love's plans.  I propose we start with kidnapping Love from his home in Amsterdam so he can't manipulate people anymore.  Then we hang him on a flagpole by his underwear and because he is invisible no one will ever know he's up there so he will never be rescued.  Therefore Love will forever be hanging from that flagpole by his underwear.  I believe that a permanent wedgie like that is exactly what Love deserves for what he has done to all these poor helpless people!

After putting Love on a pole we must save all the poor innocent people who have already fallen to Love's keen arrow.  We will snap everyone out of their love dazed minds and back into reality where we all use each other to get what we want without really caring for anyone else's feelings.  Then the world will be right again!

New Level of Nerd

Warning:  if you believe that I am a really cool person and have no nerdy tendencies at all you shouldn't read the rest of this blog post.  I would hate to let the few people down who actually think I'm awesome.  
Also if you value our friendship you will swear on the life of Scott Pilgrim that you will not judge me too harshly for the things you learn from this post.

I've always known that I am a little more nerdy than the rest of my family, and I've come to completely accept that in my life.  I love and enjoy my nerdiness, even if it may embarrass my jock brother.  But recently I have hit a new level of nerd that I never imagined possible!

Throughout the years I've noticed that there are many different kinds of nerds: gamer nerds, book nerds, computer nerds, anime nerds, comic nerds, art nerds, band nerds, theatre nerds, the role-playing nerd etc.

Side note: The more I keep typing the

word nerd it's starting to look less and

less like an actual word.

Nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd...

Being a nerd doesn't mean that you wear the stereotypical nerd glasses and that you can't associate with other people, especially the opposite sex.  Being a nerd simply means that you genuinely like stuff.  My favorite author John Green has a quote about being a nerd that I absolutely love: "Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. . . Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself love it.  When people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is 'you like stuff.'  Which is just not a good insult at all.  Like, 'you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'."

I believe in this 100%

Nerds like things, it's what we do!

I've always known that I'm a book nerd.  I learned about my love for reading at a very young age while discovering the wonders of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Amanda Pig, and A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I have continued to read as many books as I can possibly devour throughout my life.  

During my teenage years I learned that I was also a closet gamer nerd.  I love playing video games! The only problem is that I don't have money for them which is why that nerd side has always been less apparent.  And even though I have a younger brother we still don't have many video games at our house.  My brother has always been the sporty type who would rather go out and play catch than stay inside and play video games.

Eventually I found my overall passion in life when I discovered the theatre world!  Ever since then I have been a die-hard theatre nerd.  I audition for everything I possibly can, be involved in any way, and I'm currently working on getting my BFA in Musical Theatre.

I've also dabbled in comics, anime, and art, but the one thing I promised myself I would never do is the weird role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons or LARPing.  They were just so beyond nerdy that I honestly couldn't bring myself to even imagine participating in them.  My high school had a LARPing club that would meet after school once a week and they would fight in the common area with foam swords and axes.  After watching them a couple times I couldn't help but making fun of them with my group of friends.  They looked so completely ridiculous and it was just too easy to jab at what they were doing.  That was when I promised myself I would never become one of those people!

I eventually went on my merry way to college and found myself surrounded by wonderful theatre friends.  I never realized that when I picked my major it brought me one step closer to role-playing games. Theatre is role-playing.  That is what we are paid to do.  We pretend to be other people in front of an audience for the sole purpose of entertainment. . . obviously it was only a matter of time. . .

This school year I had the opportunity of becoming friends with an absolutely wonderful guy named Tony who happens to be very into D&D.  When I first learned this information I must admit that I laughed out of pure shock.  One thing you need to know about Tony is that he is absolutely gorgeous!  He practically has women throwing themselves on him left and right.  And I don't mean that in a rude way!  He's not a jerk about his good looks, and he doesn't take advantage of them either.  He's just a genuinely nice guy with a wonderful personality who happens to be very handsome as well.  So when I found out that Tony was one of those people I was surprised.  I had indulged the stereotype for too long that I couldn't imagine someone attractive and social actually participating in a role-playing game.

Then began my decent into the world of D&D.  It first started with Tony asking me if I would be interested in playing, then me being a little curious and saying maybe, and then actually following through with it, getting into a group, making a character, and proceeding to have the most awesome campaign of D&D that I could possibly imagine!  Tony is a complete genius when it comes to story telling and I have to admit that I loved every second of that game.  Even when I had my arm bit off by a dire wolf, or when we were tricked into killing the royal family, or when I found out that I had been unknowingly helping the bad guy throughout the entire campaign.  And even though I went on a horrific emotional roller coaster from being banished, to falling in love, to watching that love murdered, to being falsely accused, having my family be sentenced to death for those false accusations, to losing my only friend, eventually gaining him back, finding the survivors of my family, miraculously bringing my love back to life, and in the end finally realizing that the one bad guy that I had been chasing and planning revenge towards for all he had done to me was in fact not bad at all and instead just completely misunderstood and emotionally irrational just as I was, I can't imagine playing a better game!

So yes, I have become one of those people and I have to admit that it is absolutely wonderful!  D&D is a perfect game for theatre people because it's all about creating and embodying a character.  In fact I loved it so much and our group is so tight that we've already started working on getting our characters for the next campaign.

In conclusion:  I have in fact hit a new level of nerd.

Rantings

A conversation between me and my blog:

Blog: "Hey... remember me?  Yeah... I'm still here."
Me: "Wow, you are.  Sorry about that man..."
Blog: "Oh it's cool..."
Me: "Yeah, okay..."

I've recently realized that there are only a handful of people that read my blog posts that I don't put on facebook. So naturally this would be a fantastic place to rant, right?
RIGHT!

So here goes:

Dear "Just give it time..."
I am, and I'm willing to give you as much time as you need.  I know you think that I just want to instantly jump into a relationship with you because of what happened between us at the end of last semester, but that's not true.  And I don't know how to convince you of that!  I wasn't lying when I told you that I value your friendship more than I want a relationship with you.  If you want us to just stay friends I would be totally fine with that!  And I also understand how you seem to be having a hard time believing that because when most people say that exact phrase they don't mean it.  They may say it but they all hope that friendship will eventually lead to something else, but that's not how I am!  

Okay, scratch that, sometimes I am like that.  I will fully admit that I have said being just friends with a guy is totally fine with me while secretly hope one day he'll want more from me.  But this is one of those rare cases where I really do value your friendship more!  As attractive and amazing you are, and despite how much I really do want to date you, I would rather stay friends with you than risk ruining the first really good friendship I've really ever had with a guy.  Now moving on...

I think you are one of the most interesting and fun people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and despite all the retarded rumors I keep hearing about you I still think you are a great guy!  So in response to your "Just give it time..." I would like to say "I am, and I apologize for my constant flirting but that is simply how I talk to attractive men.  It's really hard to control."  But seriously, I am going to give it time because I respect you as a person and I realize that you have been hurt before, and I understand that because I've been hurt too.  I can see that you have a lot of walls built up around your feelings and some of them are for the sake of others, not just yourself.  I promise that I won't take offense and anything you might have to say to me (that is unless you think I'm one of the most ugly and stupid people you've ever met... I think I might take offense at that) so please just be honest with me!  That's really all I want.

Dream Roles

Lately I've been thinking a lot about different characters I want to play in my lifetime, so I decided to make a list because I'm really good at making lists.  I even made a list of all the things I'm good at and making lists was on my list!

Anyway, dream roles were what I was talking about, so here they are:

Lucy, from Jekyll and Hyde

Little Red, Into the Woods

And the Witch from Into the Woods as well

Roxie, Chicago

Jerusha Abbot, Daddy Long Legs

Brook, Legally Blonde the Musical

Or Kate (the nerd), or Margot (the really dumb one ), and I guess Elle would be pretty awesome too! (but if I could only ever be in this Musical once and I had to choose a part it'd be Margot)

Eponine, Les Miserables

Heidi, Title of Show

Millie, Thoroughly Modern Millie

And there are many more but as of right now I am being kicked out of the Institute building which is the only place I currently have Internet access because my apartment is attempting to install new Internet routers, so this is where I will end for tonight.

To My Mother:

I know that you all ready know how much I love you, but there are times when I am so overwhelmed by how important you are to me that I have to type it out in a blog post to publish on the Internet for eternity . . . so here goes:

Dear Mom,
Thank you so much for everything you have done for me throughout these past 20 years.  You have taught me so much and helped me through so much.  Thank you for being such an amazing example and teaching me how to be a good person.  Watching you raise each one of us (especially Sarah) has taught me what it truly means to be an amazing mom.  I hope that someday I will be able to raise my children the way you raised Taylor, Sarah, Anna and I.  The patience you have had with all of us is incredible.  It has been through your example that I have learned how to be patient with people.  Even though sometimes it's okay to say 'You suck!' and then hang up on a complete stranger, but those were special circumstances.

And in regard to those special circumstances: Thank you for standing up for me when I was too scared/intimidated to stand up for myself.  Even if you were also scared and intimidated (if you could have seen the guy you were talking to you would understand even more.  He is massive!)  I know you hate confrontation just as much as I do so thank you for struggling through it with me.

Also thank you for being the kind of mother I can talk to and confide in.  I know that if I have problems I can talk to you about them; whether they are school troubles, friend falling outs, spiritual walls, or boy drama.  You are always willing to help and always have great advice.  It breaks my heart when I hear other girls complain about how annoying their mom's are or how embarrassing it is to be with them.  I feel so bad that they don't have a wonderful mom like I do!  Thank you for being the cool mom who's fun to hang out with!

I also hope you know how much it means to me that I was raised in an active LDS home.  You and dad have been such magnificent examples for all of us kids.  I am so grateful that you were sealed in the temple and that I was born under that promise and that I will have the opportunity to spend eternity with this amazing family.

I love you so much!  And the worst part about going back to SUU is that I can't come home every weekend to see you.  Well . . . I suppose I could but that would be a lot of gas money.  Anyway I just want you to know how much you mean to me and how happy I am that you are my mother.  I miss you whenever I'm away and hopefully I get into a lot of shows this year so you have an excuse to come to Cedar more often!  And even then I'll be coming home as much as I can to see you.  I love you to the moon and back again and a million red M&M's!
Love from your daughter, Amanda.

My Perfect World

Sometimes I fantasize about how I wish my life was instead of how it is.  Not that I have a bad life, because I in fact have a great life!  There are just things that I would love to make improvements on.


The first thing I would change is my job.  Now I don't have a bad or boring job, I actually really like the people I work with, I just don't particularly like working.  So instead I would get paid to read and work out, because then I would be super motivated to exercise so I'd probably be super fit.  And I'd also be rich by now because I read all the time!


Second I would want to be able to recharge myself like a phone or a computer.  Just plug myself into a wall while working on homework or watching a movie and then I'd be completely recharged.  No need for sleep which would give me more hours in a day (alright, technically I know it wouldn't literally give me more hours in a day because that's impossible but it would give me more awake hours in a day) so that I could accomplish more.  I still absolutely love sleeping though so I would also still be able to choose the pleasure of actually sleeping if I wanted to.  It would just be really nice to not have to sleep sometimes, especially during finals week or homework all nighters.  Or even just to stay up and play with friends all night.


Also teleportation!  If I could teleport my life would be amazing!  I could come home to visit my parents anytime I wanted, or go visit my friends during the summer.  Plus I could travel anywhere for free!  I could go to Rome and walk around the Pantheon anytime I wanted.  And I could go to Amsterdam, Paris, China, Italy, Taiwan, Australia, Tokyo, London, and obviously New York City whenever I felt like it.  Plus if I was like Nightcrawler then I could teleport people with me so I could bring people on my many adventures!


Next I would love it if I had my own personal chef.  His name would be Chef Chef and he would cook all of my meals for me and they would taste absolutely delicious, have perfect portion control,  and be ready whenever I became hungry.  He would also be able to tell beforehand whether I was craving Mexican, Italian, or American food (or whatever other food I might crave) and he would have that food craving prepared.  Also he would be a robot so I wouldn't have to pay him and I also wouldn't feel guilty about having someone cook all my meals for me.


Fifth I would have a motorcycle.  Even though I would be capable of teleporting in this perfect world I would still like to have a mode of transportation and I would want that mode of transportation to be a motorcycle, a Honda Rebel to be exact.  It's smaller with the seat lower to the ground, which would be perfect for my 5'3" height.  It's also low weight compared to a ton of other motorcycles, which would be perfect for my small frame.  And it also doesn't have a ton of power behind it, which means being a very small person I would actually be able to control it!  (Daddy if you're reading this you can clearly see that I've been doing my homework on motorcycle's and maybe someday you will maybe possibly let me get a Honda Rebel... maybe.)


Next on my list of perfect world stuff I would make it so sickness and brokenness never occur.  Because then you would never have to cancel any fun plans because you were vomiting, or you would never have to worry about understudies maliciously pushing you down a flight of stairs and breaking your legs because you're legs would be unbreakable!


I would also want to be able to read people like open books.  Mostly because I am absolutely horrible at getting a read on people, and I'm never entirely sure of people's intentions and it would just be really great to be able to know that right up front.  Also it would just be great to always know when people are lying to me!


Eighth (for those of you keeping track) bacon would be healthy.


Now for some girly things:  Shopping would be easier!  I would be able to find everything I could ever want in my size in one cheap store.  Instead of reality where every time I go shopping I only find a couple things I like and approximately 67 things I would never wear and those couple things I do like aren't as cheap as I would like them to be.  Also decorating would be as simple as searching the Internet for the definition to incorrigible.  I would simply be able to type in some letters and then have a super cute decorated college room instead of having to take the time to go to stores and pick out different things and find different inspiring quotes or print out different pictures to paste onto cute boards with cute ribbons or whatever.  Decorating is hard!  It would also be nice to never need makeup.  I hardly ever wear makeup anyway and it would just be so nice to have super long luscious eyelashes without having to glob on mascara.  And it'd be great to always have shiny pink lips without needed lip gloss or lipstick.


And now for a list of theatre related perfections I want:
     1.  Life would be like a musical

"Go away you threaten me!"

     2.  My hair would be capable of growing at will so I could keep my wonderful short hair when I wasn't in shows but I would be able to grow it out overnight for any auditions or parts that I was cast in.

     3.  I would be capable of dancing like every person who has ever been in the top 20 of So You Think You Can Dance

     4.  I would have the range and be capable of singing like Barbara Streisand.

And so far that is my perfect world.  I'm sure if I sat here long enough I could come up with a ton of things to add, but this should be good for now.

Guilty Pleasures

I've recently realized that my guilty pleasures are very unusual for a person of my age of the female population.  The norm, obviously, being chocolate, bacon, shopping, Dr.Pepper (or whatever soda you're addicted to), Jersey Shore (or whatever other ridiculous television show makes you feel better about your own life), trashy celebrity gossip magazines, shoe shopping (because apparently it's a completely different endeavor than regular shopping which is listed above) et cetera et cetera.  So clearly there must be something wrong with my girl capabilities because none of these fall into my guilty pleasure list.  I mean I must admit that I love chocolate, bacon, and Dr. Pepper as much as anyone else, but they aren't guilty pleasures, they are just pure and simple pleasures for me!

So here is my guilty pleasure list:

#1: Homestar Runner!  Shocking I know, but seriously it's probably the most fantastic website I've ever been on.  It has the capability to keep me entertained and laughing for hours!  Especially Teen Girl Squad and Strong Bad Emails and I mean come on who doesn't love Trogdor?!

#2: Really ugly sweaters.  I love wearing baggy, frumpy, horrendous looking sweaters in the winter.  Anyone who knew me at school last year can vouch for this because that's pretty much all I ever wore.

#3: My hobo boots.  I have a pair of snow boots that I found at the D.I. last year that I have completely fallen in love with.  I wear them whenever I get the chance.  They are so big and clumpy looking that I just look so funny when I wear them, but they are also the greatest things that have ever graced my feet.  I even wear them during the summer.  It's a serious problem.

#4: Working my body so hard that I feel physically ill.  Lately I've been going to the gym a lot and I've been doing a lot of weight training.  Sometimes I enjoy working so hard without breaks that I feel like I'm going to vomit.  It just gives me this overwhelming feeling of achievement. 

#5: My superhero fantasies.  Sometimes when I am in a frustrating situation I imagine that I have superpowers and I can do anything I want.  Like vaporize the incredibly annoying person talking to me, or mind control the absolutely beautiful girl talking to the guy I like into saying something completely embarrassing and irrevocable, or even hulking it up and beating everyone that crosses me into a pulp.

#6: My future wedding plans.  Yes some of you will try to argue that this is something that all girls obsess over, but first let me explain before you start putting me into the "normal girl" category.  I sometimes like to imagine my wedding themes in the not so normal way.  Like a Marvel themed wedding (me and my husband would be dressed as Marvel characters and all the decor would be superhero themed and we would get an emergency call at the end of the reception to go fight crime in whatever place we were honey mooning and we'd rush off in our tricked out super car to go save the day), or an Avatar wedding (as in Avatar the last airbender not the blue space people), and obviously a HP wedding (because seriously Harry Potter is the greatest thing on planet earth.)

#7: Being cooler than everyone else.  No explanation needed.