Why I Act

I was talking to a co-worker recently about acting and after hearing some of his opinions on my biggest passion in life we got into a heated debate about why actors are some of the most genuine and courageous people.  My flustered and apparently biased opinions sadly did not sway this poor muggle into realizing that actors are indeed amazing as opposed to 'attention seekers who are too lazy to find real jobs.'  So I decided that I would turn to the internet and express my opinions here since my small minded jerk of a co-worker refused to completely hear me out. 

First let me address the problems of living an actors life: the off-stage drama, continual rejection, the constant physical and mental stress, needing a muggle job to get by, the worry of impressing others, the fear of letting your director down (or letting anyone else down for that matter), the constant pressure to do better next time, the crushing fear that you will never succeed, and a myriad of other issues.  And despite all of these frustrations, fears, and problems we still pursue our dreams.  It's truly amazing what actors put themselves through just to feel fulfillment.

I am continually impressed and shocked by the actors in my life.  They can face more rejection in one year alone than most people do in their entire life.  And despite all of that rejection they continue to expand their talents so they can kick butt at their next audition.  While pursuing this passion of mine I have discovered that actors truly are the most driven and courageous people on the face of this planet!  Even when actors don't get the part they wanted they look at that rejection as a learning opportunity.  Most people would give up after facing as much rejection as we do, but instead we take that rejection and turn it into fuel that drives us to work harder, get better, try new things, and overall become a more honest actor.

Every day actors all over the world are facing the reality of how difficult it is to pursue a life on the stage.  Never sure where their next paycheck will come from, unsure of where they will be in a couple months, and even when they have a great job they deal with the constant stretching of themselves, emotionally and physically, that comes with putting their soul into a role, taking risks, and dealing with the criticism and judgment of others.  Every day they have to ignore the possibility that they might simply be chasing a pipe dream and that they will never get that 'big break' they are searching for.  And despite all of this they continue to dedicate their lives to this dream.  But why?

Because actors are willing to give up the predictable milestones of a normal life (the car, the house, the family, the promotion) in search of a moment.  The line, laugh, gesture, song, dance, or even a simple look shared between two actors that will stir something in an audience members soul.  Actors dedicate their whole lives in search of these genuine moments on stage, and when you experience one of those moments all of the years of rejection and heartache simply melt away.  You can taste life, feel the magic, and in that moment you are as close to perfection as you have ever felt, you may even feel closer to God than you ever have before.  Those moments are worth a thousand lifetimes and that is why we are willing to dedicate our one life in pursuit of those moments.

Those moments are why I act.

Adult Life Tips

As a human being questing through life I have learned many lessons, and as a result I have come up with some life tips.  So to all of you who need some guidance through this weird world here you go:

1. Wear socks.  Seriously!  If you're wearing shoes then PLEASE wear socks with them.  If you don't your feet will reek like none other, and how are you supposed to win at life if you have stinky feet? 
2. Always have cereal and milk at your house.  Sometimes you just need food NOW and preparing something to eat is just out of the question; even boiling water for Ramen is hard sometimes.  So just pour yourself a nice bowl of cereal and eat up!
3. Just do it.  You know that thing you're supposed to do but you don't want to?  Do the thing!
4. It's okay if you don't know how to pronounce that word.  Yes, you've probably read it a thousand times, and you know exactly what it means, but that doesn't mean you've ever heard it pronounced before.  So don't sweat it when you're entire cast starts making fun of you.
5. There's a feat for that.  And by feat I mean an Internet tutorial.  If you need/want to do something I'm almost positive that there will be a tutorial for it, whether on youtube or wikihow.  Just google it.
6. Use Q-Tips.  Use them.  Do it!
7. Invest in good underwear.  Seriously, a good pair of underwear can go a long way.  If you're having a bad day and you are wearing that horrible pair of underwear that make you feel itchy and uncomfortable, it makes that bad day so much worse.  So just throw that underwear away and buy yourself some nice ones!
8. Wear deodorant.  Don't you want to smell good?
9. Plants trick people into thinking you have your life together.  Even if it's just that fake tree in your house that you stole from your former dorm.  Or even better, get a cactus!  They're real and require very little effort.
10. Be yourself.  Unless you're a fairy.  Then be a fairy.
11. Duct tape is amazing.  It can do everything from holding your super attractive James Dean cutout together all the way to keeping children in their cribs while you're babysitting.  (There is a story behind that last one, if you're interested in hearing it just ask.)
12. Bubble wrap can be an acceptable gift.  Think about it.  If you were having a birthday and somebody gave you bubble wrap wouldn't you be totally psyched?
13. Don't sneeze when you need to pee.  Or laugh.  Or cough.  Or anything else like that.
14. Keep your eye on the ball.  Whether you are playing ball, watching, or simply in the same room as a ping-pong table, the second you stop watching that ball will be the second it decides to bop you on the head.
15. If you know you're wrong, admit it.  Unless you want to be a fart bag.  Then have fun smelling like butt all your life.
16. When life gives you lemons, take them.  Free stuff is great.  Then you can put lemons in your water, and that's fantastic!
17. Only trust people who like big butts.  They cannot lie.
18. Go after what you want.  Whether it's that cute guy/girl you randomly see or your dream job.  Go for it!  Even if it doesn't work out you at least tried, and more importantly now you know what not to do next time.
19. Make sure you have your keys before locking your car.  Trust me on this, it only takes a couple extra seconds to check.  Plus if you lock your keys in your car you will have a terrible day and most likely pee your pants in your bosses office, and nobody wants that.
20. Don't trust boys, they'll break your stuff.  Sometimes it's your heart, sometimes your patience, and other times it's your Gameboy and you could just wring their little neck for even touching it. 
21. Don't harshly judge others.  Yes, I know that guy who sits on the corner and squeals like a pig when people walk by may creep you out a bit.  But maybe he's working through some stuff and this is the only way he knows how.
22. Always speak politely to an enraged dragon.  And by enraged dragon I mean me when I'm angry.  Seriously, don't do it.  For your own safety.
23. Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn.  'Nuff said.
24. Llamas with Hats make everything better.  Broken hearts, broken bones, broken Gameboys.  Simply laugh away the pain.
25. Eat what you want, when you want.  And if people make fun of you for your weight, just eat them too.
26. Always carry salt with you.  You never know when your going to need to make a salt circle to cower in while waiting for Dean to come save you.
27. Own lots of scarves.  Not only do they keep you warm when it's cold outside, but they also look good, and can be used to hide that really weird rash you got as an allergic reaction to an antibiotic you were taking.
28. Get a library card.  Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.
29. Climb lots of trees.  You get to see more when you're up in a tree.  Plus the better you are at climbing the closer you are to being Katniss.
30. Learn how to change a tire.  You never know when you're going to be traveling with a good guy friend who doesn't know how and will need you to show him the way to manhood.
31. Use your skill points wisely.  Not only does this apply to D&D, but it's useful in life as well.  Use your hours wisely and practice whatever you want to get better at.
32. Don't enter the pool by way of stairs. It's just not cool man.
33. Never mention a sunburn to your friends.  They will make you feel the burn in the worst way possible.
34. Learn how to drive a manual car.  You never know when your going to get the chance to drive a really fun and fast car.  It would be so sad if you couldn't take the opportunity simply because you've never mastered the stick shift.
35. It's okay to go to the movies by yourself.  Sometimes it's even better than going with other people.  
36. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.  You never want to accidentally wake someone up.
37. If you have to be in a fight punch first and punch hard.  Especially if your small like me.
38. You're never too old to need you mother.  Trust me, she has great life advice.  Utilize this!
39. If a street performer causes you to stop walking then you owe them a dollar.  If it entertains you enough to stop and watch you can spare the four quarters.  And if it's really entertaining then I'm sure you can scrounge up a couple more bucks.
40. Don't knock it till you try it.  I'm not saying you have to try it, just don't judge it when you have no life experience with it.
41. Don't underestimate easy shots in a game of HORSE.  In all honesty I usually lose when I try to make trick shots, but when I play easy I at least get close to winning.  But to be even more honest, I hardly ever win.  Maybe even never.
42. Make sure people know you're awesome.  Guys, just so you know, I'm the most awesome person in the universe.

I could go on... but that requires more brain power than I want to use right now.

New Year Resolution

I have never kept a New Year resolution, so this year I'm going to set some goals that I am actually capable of keeping.

1. Don't die.
2. Read some books on my reading list.
3. Audition for stuff.
4. Eat healthier.
5. Forget number 4 and order that dessert you want!
6. Play more video games.
7. Exercise when I feel like it.
8. Laugh more, or cry more. Whatever works.
9. Watch some Netflix.
10. Do my job.
11. Do some blogs.
12. Wear clothes.
13. Be with my friends.
14. Be with my family.
15. Love some people.
16. Stop loving others.
17. Start loving new ones.
18. Continue being a smokin' hot babe!
19. Do a thing. Or do the thing. Either one.
20. Drink water.
21. Sing some songs.
22. Keep on being a human.
23. Don't ever give into the aliens.
24. Live life.

Girlfriend Resume

Education

The School Of Life, Planet Earth (1992 - present)
Masters in Human Functioning with an emphasis is Sarcasm

• Practical skills in how to communicate and interact with other humans
• Rudimentary knowledge on courtship, dating, romance, and how to Human

Southern Utah University, Cedar City, Utah (2010 - 2014)

BFA in Musical Theatre

• Skills in acting, singing, and dancing
• Ability to entertain other humans
• I am a goofball

Davis High School, Kaysville, Utah (2007-2010)

Class of 2010

• I graduated High School and therefore have my life together

Romantic Experience

First Boyfriend, aka Guillermo

Young, Desperate, and Naive (2008 - 2010)

• Acquired basic skills in dating
• Gained experience in managing arguments
• Brought on a new respect for myself

Second Boyfriend, aka Batman

Still learning (2010 - 2011)

• Gained more experience in dating and romance
• Obtained a knowledge on dating outside of the LDS religion
• Acquired moderate listening skills with a specialization in grown-up issues
• Learned a valuable lesson in dealing with ex-boyfriends

The Two Week Relationship, aka The Childish Adult

Confused and Bored (2011)

• Acquired skills in taking care of children (and adults who act like children)
• Strengthened my desire for a real man
• Gained a new sense of playfulness in dating and romance

The Fling, aka The Older Man

Wild and Stupid (2012)

• Leveled up in dating boldness
• Learned the importance of fun and the value of consequences

Third Boyfriend, aka Jrshdfr

Older and Wiser (2013-2014)

• Gained experience in cooking for men
• Obtained an understanding of truly loving someone else
• Acquired an understanding of how it feels to not be loved in the way I deserve
• Learned the importance of dating someone with my same values

The Last Boyfriend, aka The RM

Excited to start something real (2014)

• Learned that nobody is perfect
• Gained experience in decrypting what men actually mean when they refuse to say what they want or need
• Realized that it is possible to love again after suffering a broken heart

Special Skills, Personal Achievements, and Interests

• Very good with children, and children with disabilities
• Incredibly fun person with skills in spontaneity
• Gorgeous
• Good kisser
• Outdoorswoman: activities include hiking, canoeing, river rafting, rock climbing, and camping
• Fluent in sarcasm, sass, and Syd the Sloth
• Skilled in baking, cooking, and basically following the recipe
• Beautiful
• Knowledge in how to human
• I am awkward, and I enjoy it
• Self diagnosed geek, need proof?
• Marvel Superheros
• DC Villains
• The Legend of Zelda
• D&D
• Avatar the Last Airbender
• HP? Always!
• Skyrim
• Pokemon
• John Green and DFTBA
• Miyazaki
• Stunning
• I can play the ukulele and sing, also the piano is a thing I can do
• Bo staff skills, nunchuck skills, computer hacking skills
• Avid quoter of movies, tv shows, and random obscure youtube videos
• Skills in cutting sandwiches into adorable shapes (kids love this)
• Occasional morbid sense of humor
• Capable of driving a manual car
• Very attractive and very humble about it

References

Frank Gasparro, Good friend

"It's a good thing you're pretty!" (said every time I do something awkward or strange)

McKenna Horman, Best friend

"I'll be your boyfriend."

Dorothy Dayton, Mother

"You're special... ed."

Video Blog

I've decided to start doing video blogs (or vlogs.)  Why, you may ask?

Reason #1:  John Green does them.

There is no need for any more reasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-4sGNhskJo

GO WATCH IT!!!

... please...

Step-by-Step How To Get a Boyfriend

Step 1: locate boy that you desire to be yours.

Step 2: never talk to boy.

Step 3: stalk boy in every way possible.

Step 4: pretend you just happened to be in the area when boy catches you following him.

Step 5: ignore the restraining order and continue to stalk boy.

Step 6: leave adorable presents on his doorstep that can possibly be mistaken as death threats.

Step 7: finally see him and profess your love for him in a public setting.

Step 8: write him every day from jail.

Step 9: think of him throughout the shock therapy.

Step 10: ignore the doctors who tell you that he isn't real.

Step 11: cry when he doesn't come visit you.

Step 12: physically hurt everyone who tells you that you're crazy.

Step 13: make a miraculous recovery after 5 years of intense rehab.

Step 14: locate boy and explain to him that you were lying to the doctors when you told them that you understood that he wasn't real.

Step 15: ditch your probation officer and move to Paris to live with said boy.

Step 16: marry said boy in a small ceremony in your shared apartment.

Step 17: live happily ever after.

Dear man who commented on my high-waisted jeans,

Wow. 

Just wow.

First off, it's a good thing I didn't wake up and get dressed with the sole purpose of pleasing you, because I obviously would have failed in that attempt.  I'm very grateful that girls don't choose their clothing based on what they think guys like you will enjoy.  If girls started to dress solely to impress you then strip clubs would start going out of business.  Instead all the misogynistic pigs like you could just sit on street corners and goggle at us as we walked by.  So I'd like to take a moment and thank all the women of this world for not putting strip clubs out of business.

Second, if you're going to talk about a girl who is only ten feet away from you maybe you should learn how to whisper.  It's a really great skill to have and I'm sure if you look on youtube you could find some tutorials that would help you out.  That way this girl won't accidentally hear what you are saying about her and shake up your already opened 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew when you leave your cart unattended.  Also, why was that open?  Could you really not wait ten minutes to start drinking it?

Thirdly, no.  As a matter of fact I do not secretly weigh 250 lbs.  If I could somehow manage to hide an extra 132 lbs. of fat in these jeans then you can be gosh darned sure that I am going to keep them and wear them every day because they have got to be some freaking magical pants!  So therefore your argument in null and void, because with the way you were checking me out I'm sure you'd rather see a 118 lb. girl in high-waisted jeans than a 250 lb. girl in anything else.

Last of all, you look like a half orc who took a nasty cheese grater to the face.  So maybe instead of insulting pretty girls with your semi-better-looking brother you should join a gym and invest in some decent acne wash.  Then maybe you might be able to get a girlfriend and spend your time making out instead of wandering around Walmart with your little brother.

Also, flip flops? Really?  You do realize that your feet are disgusting, right?  Sorry, I guess I just assumed that anyone with large grossly hairy feet like yours would know not to display them in public.  But I guess we learned with your failed attempt at whispering that you don't have that many brain cells.

Love, the super sexy girl you wish you could get but can't because your social skills suck.

Homestar Runner

Remember Homestar Runner? 

Seriously this guy was AWESOME!!!  Homestarrunner.com was a gem, and if you have never been on that website then you should immediately stop reading this blog post and go there!

Strong Bad Emails and Teen Girl Squad were probably the two best things about that website.  I used to spend hours watching those videos!  That was back before youtube was really a thing... man that was forever ago!  I feel old thinking about it.

The only reason I even bring this up is because I realize I quote this website all the time and no one seems to get it.  I used to tease my sister ever time she would tell me about one of her crushes with "I have a crush on every boy!"  I eventually had to show her the first episode of Teen Girl Squad for her to get it.  And I can't even count the times I've said "I look SOOO GOOD!!" and everyone just stares at me like I'm insane.  Also there have been many times when I've felt the need to tell a guy they look so makey-outy tonight but then I realize that it probably wouldn't go over too well.

Other quotes I sometimes say that people don't understand:

"Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!"

"Arrow'd!"

"She's my friend. But not my best."

"Voodoo? Is it voodoo? VOODOO!"

"Sooo do you like cloth?"

"Listen up I'll be at a place until a time, my cell phone number is some numbers, they baby needs some stuff, what's poison control, punch Tompkins in the gut, good luck!"

"Ow my skin!"

"Yes... washing... them... ever... -ryday"

"All this time I was looking around and you weren't right there in front of me, and then I realized when I was looking around you were right there in front of me, all this time."

"Um, what is this... "dress" you speak of? ... Is it food?"

"I gut you like sheep."

"I said come on fhqwhgads, I say come on fhqwhgads, everybody to the limit, everybody to the limit, everybody come on fhqwhgads!"

"DELETED!"

Anyway, I just wanted to remind everyone of the wonderful Homestar Runner.  

"IT'S OVER!"

Dear Ordain Women,

Facebook has been blowing up with news about this whole Ordain Women movement for the past couple of days so I finally decided to look into what this is.  I was pleased to find a very amusing website, ordainwomen.org.  Now this is the point in my post that I must warn any supporters of Ordain Women, or any feminists, to leave immediately!  If you don't stop reading now I cannot be held responsible for your offended feelings.  You have been warned!

Anyway, I find this Ordain Women movement incredibly funny!  I literally laughed out loud when I was reading their mission statement.  Now I don't claim to be an expert in the Mormon church, but I will say I know enough to have an opinion on this matter, and my opinion is that y'all are being stupid!  (Yes, I just used the word y'all, get over it!)

WOMEN BIRTH CHILDREN!!  Yes, I understand that you Ordain Women argue that fatherhood is just as equal to motherhood.  You say that "Priesthood power is separate and distinct from parenthood and gender."  But that is complete and utter horse crap!  Yes, fatherhood and motherhood are equal, but the actual ability to shove a child out of your nether regions is not!

My dears you are fighting a losing battle.  Asking to be ordained into the priesthood is just like asking God if your husband could be the one to birth your next child.  Men and Women have different but distinct roles in the LDS Church, and it just so happens that our specific role as women is to have babies.  As more children are born into this gospel the more we grow as a church; so clearly our role of making babies is INCREDIBLY important!  And come on ladies, can't we give our men something special?  Let them have the priesthood and leave us to the baby birthing (seriously, just imagine how unimportant the men in our lives feel when we take 9 precious months of our lives to create and nurture something so sacred to our heavenly father!  I mean sure the men help out by giving you foot rubs, or going to the grocery store to buy oranges to squeeze you fresh orange juice at three in the morning, but it's our bodies that take the physical toll.  Let the men have some sort of importance in the church, because without us women there is no church!)

Now I know that the Ordain Women will most likely have a counter argument to my opinion, but honestly I could care less what that argument will be.  My opinion is my opinion and no matter what they may say that opinion is not going to change, and I'm sure that they are thinking the exact same thing towards my argument.  Nothing I say will change their desire to be priesthood holders, and that isn't what this post is about, I am simply writing down my opinion on the matter.  Plus, it was a hoot writing some of these sentences!

Now y'all have a good day, make good choices, remember who you are, and all that great stuff!

Tips For Me, From Me

1. Be willing to change
2. Accept responsibility
3. Do more Yoga!
4. Stock up on chap stick
5. Shop at thrift stores more
6. Hang out with the girls more
7. Dollar stores are a wonderful place (but not for toilet paper!)
8. Eat more breakfast 
9. Call mom when you need help
10. Never buy name brands, go to Ross and Marshalls instead!
11. Always try clothes on before you buy them
12. Drink more water! In fact buy a water bottle to keep on you at all times.
13. Get a microwavable heat pad!
14. Exercise when stressed
15. Find a scent you love and stick with that scent
16. Take more bubble baths!
17. Read more books! In fact make a list of books to read!
18. Get your beauty sleep
19. Remember that pancakes always taste better with chocolate chips in them
20. Buy some free weights and use them
21. Buy more whole grain bread; if you can't remember you actually LOVE that stuff, especially as toast!
22. Start putting your keys in the same place so you stop loosing them
23. Just be healthy
24. Establish a laundry routine
25. You're in the habit of waking up early, don't lose that!
26. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you're not sure (but PLEASE do ask for help if you need it)
27. Buy big carrots instead of baby carrots, they taste better
28. Eat slower
29. Read more classics, unless they're boring, because reading a boring book is NEVER worth it!
30. Create a morning routine
31. Be present (even when doing mundane things like showering and eating)
32. Believe in your dreams
33. Go through your closet and donate anything you don't wear 
34. Travel whenever possible
35. Do more volunteer work
36. Revamp your bucket list and start working on completing it
37. Blog and Journal more
38. "Unplug" more often
39. Be honest with yourself
40. Cut down on the soda
41. Stop being afraid to take the risk
42. Live in the moment (Forever is composed of nows!)
43. Take advantage of when the sun is out
44. Become a social BAMF!
45. Whenever you feel down dress up
46. Good posture is a must
47. Walk like the confident person you are

The Love Inside

I throw to the wind what we cannot see:

The thoughts and feelings of you and me.

Physical tokens I may throw away

But the feelings I must keep at bay.

For now I will strive to hide

The love I must keep inside.

The memory of our first kiss,

Your hand in mine; absolute bliss!

Your arms, so strong and sure,

Keeping me warm, safe and secure.

Hoping someday to be your bride,

Expressing the love I have inside.

Knowing I can't see your face,

And remembering our last embrace,

Trying to suppress thoughts of you

As day by day I carry through.

Attempting to set aside

The love I still have inside.

Hoping that we weren't a waste

And that my love was not misplaced.

Getting through each day by faking

That my heart isn't really breaking.

Knowing we've been put aside

Along with the love I keep inside.

My Embarrassing Moments:

I recently began a public humiliation of my friend Ian by using this adorable picture of him from his most awkward years:

No, I do not feel bad about this, because it's all purely friendly.  But just in case I felt as if I should bequeath unto him some embarrassing things about me to make it fair.

#1:  I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

See that stuffed Simba I'm clutching in this picture?  Yeah. . .  Not only do I still sleep with it but once upon a time I had an ex boyfriend who stole that stuffed animal from me.  And I cried.  A lot.  And no, it wasn't because of our broken relationship, I cried because I didn't have my Simba anymore.  It was pathetic.  And this happened in college!  No I wasn't some 15 year old sap.  I was 18 and living on my own.

I was so broken up over the loss of my stuffed Simba that my mom scoured the Internet until she found an exact replica of my old Simba, which she immediately bought to sooth my pain.  I eventually got my old Simba back, and it was such an amazing day that I even remember the date!  July 2nd 2011!  See!  I was so pathetically broken up over loosing this stuffed animal that I remember the exact date I was reunited with it.

#2:  This.

I don't even know what is happening in this picture.  All I know is that I have long, straight hair and my face looks like that...

#3:  Also this.

I have no words for this one. . .

#4:  I am a huge cry baby.  I'm so bad that I cry EVERY time I go to the dentist.  And once it was even caught on camera.

I was also about to get a shot, so I feel as if I deserved to cry!  Shots in the mouth are the absolute worst!

#5:  Once upon a time I was in the musical Grease.  And there was an odd number of girls to guys and since I was terrible at making friends back then I didn't have anyone to learn the partner dance with during the prom scene.  Therefore when performance time rolled around they made me the punch server during that scene.  And the entire scene I was so bored I ended up talking to a cup.

There I am on the right with the aforementioned cup.

#6:  Sometimes I go out in public in the most ridiculous outfits imaginable.

#7:  I wear a snorkel whenever I chop onions.

#8:  When I was in my first year of high school my friends thought I was really cool.  So when we thought about who was going to get married first they thought I was going to be the first one to get hitched (behind our OLDER friend Sharlene, of course.)  So we made a list of the order we thought we'd get married in.

Then after a couple years we all were out to lunch together and decided to remake the list.  By that time my friends had realized how incredibly awkward I was and decided I definitely shouldn't be first anymore.  So they moved me to the very bottom of the list.  They even debated about taking me off the list completely because I'd probably never find a guy who could deal with me (all in friendly joking of course... at least I think it was friendly joking...)


And now for my most embarrassing moments of all time:

To preface this I must tell you that I have very poor bladder control.  It's due to this medical condition I have called 'Bladder and Kidney Reflux.'  And yes, it is a real thing!  (I think the more medically acclaimed term is Vesicoureteral Reflux.)

Anyway, because of this condition I have poor bladder control.  And due to this lack of control there have been instances where I have peed myself in public.

Once upon a time I was on a cruise with my entire Dayton side of the extended family.  On this said cruise we had a very fancy dinner one night, and to go to this very fancy dinner we all wore very fancy clothing.  I wore a very pretty black and white cocktail dress.

So here I am at said fancy dinner in said fancy dress when my two immature cousins begin a competition to see who can be funnier using me as the judge.  The point of the competition was to see if either of them could get water to come out my nose (because that tends to happen a lot apparently.)  So they start telling jokes and acting stupid, and I realize I need to pee.  Now I'm quite a ways away from the nearest bathroom and to get to this bathroom I'd have to walk through a MASSIVE crowd of people waiting to be seated for their respective fancy dinners.  So I decide I'll just hold it until we are all done with dinner.

And to that grand idea my bladder said NO!  So the next funny thing that was said instead of water coming out my nose, I am peeing in my very fancy dress.  So I bolt to the nearest bathroom, go to my room to change, and don't eat dinner that night.

A couple years later I have graduated high school and am now in my freshman year of college.  I've made a great group of friends who have me literally rolling around laughing almost every day.  The dorm I was living in at the time had shared bathrooms for each floor, and my bathroom happened to be diagonally to the left from my room.  So it got to the point where I habitually went diagonally to the left whenever I was walking to the restroom.

One day I was in my friends room who lived exactly to the right of me and we were cracking jokes and having a good time when suddenly I need to pee.  And this is not the kind of pee that I can hold.  I have to go NOW!  So I quickly exit the room with my friends following me and go diagonally to the left straight into the room that is across the hall from my actual room.  When I realized my mistake I immediately shut their door and dissolved onto the hall floor laughing my guts out, where I then began to pee my pants in front of my friends.

And now we move to my most embarrassing moment of all time:  Last semester I got a really bad bladder infection.  So after my classes I went to the Instacare before work so I could get some medicine prescribed to me.  When I got there it was pretty busy so I called my boss to let him know I might be a little late.  After a while I eventually got in to see a doctor who told me that I probably had an infection (no duh!) and then proceeded to poke and prod me and eventually had me pee into a cup (which, by the way, I am really good at now due to the numerous times I have had to do it over the years.)  After the official results he prescribed me some medication and I went out to my car to quickly pick up the medicine on my way to work.

When I got to my car I realized that I had locked my keys inside.  I was already feeling miserable due to my bladder feeling as if it was on fire, but this was just the yucky icing on the carrot cake!  So I called my best friend to see if she could come pick me up.  Luckily she wasn't busy so she came and got me and then took me to Smiths and then work.

At work I was stuck with a bunch of odd jobs that day so I had to continually check in with my boss about what I needed to do next.  And unfortunately when I have a bladder infection my bladder control is even worse than normal.  So there I am in my bosses office asking him what I need to do next.  He begins a long explanation about how to get spider-webs off the sides of the building when suddenly I am peeing my pants with no warning.  I immediately run out of his office and into the bathroom.

Eventually I worked up the courage to exit the bathroom and return to my bosses office.  He politely asked me if I needed to go home, and I graciously left.  But I still had no car.  So I then proceeded to walk from the Administration building, all the way across campus, and back to my house, which was a very uncomfortable walk due to the circumstances.  So what do I do on this walk?  I call my mother and immediately begin relaying what just happened through my sobbing.  When I finally got home I was surprised to find that my best friend wasn't home, so I took a shower.

When I got out my best friend still wasn't home so I crawled into bed and tried to drown my shame in Netflix.  My best friend and my boyfriend are both really good friends with each other, and I had been talking to them both throughout the day about how miserable I had been feeling.  Later that night they both came into my room with ice cream and my keys.  As soon as I saw that they had managed to get my keys out and that they had also brought me ice cream I dissolved into tears.  So not only did I pee my pants in front of my boss that night I also cried in front of my two best friends!  And that is my most embarrassing moment thus far in my life.

My Sad Sedentary Life

Once upon a time I used to be fun.  I was someone who was constantly looking for fun activities to do with my friends!  Now all I do is watch Netflix and take naps, which can't even constitute as an activity.  Those are passivities at best.  Basically I have become a slug, a very boring slug.  For all those of you who know me now it may be hard for you to believe that I was once a very fun person, so I shall give you proof:

I play laser tag!  Look!!!!!! ^^^^^^^ see me!!!! Not only do I play laser tag, but I win.  At least every time I play with Kenna and Adam I win.... which might not be saying much.

I also used to be so fun that I got a picture holding a snake with a Johnny Depp look-a-like!

Is it weird that I was more excited to hold the snake in this picture than stand next to the Johnny Depp fake?  I love snakes.  Which I deem as fun (even though most people I know are scared of snakes and do not think they are fun.)

More proof that Amanda is fun:

I still play with Hot Wheels!  Yes, this could also be seen as childish instead of fun, but compared to the aforementioned sluggish Amanda, this childish Amanda is fun!

I sometimes make armor out of cardboard, and then wear it in public.  Also childish.  BUT FUN!

When I get bored I occasionally make finger painting masterpieces!

I make stupid faces in pictures when all my friends are smiling and look gorgeous.

I have handstand competitions!  I never win, but I at least participate.

I used to be so cool that I could explain my love life by drawing with chocolate sauce on a napkin... needless to say there was an octagon of love at that time in my life.

I sometimes pretend to be such an angst encumbered teen that my mom puts me in... whatever this thing is.  Honestly I don't remember what it was.  But I think I remember something about an insane asylum, and this was a patients bed.  Or I might be making that all up.  But, hey!  Having an imagination is fun!

I drank out of a re-purposed toilet fountain!  That's fun, right?

I was once so fun that I took a bunch of twelve year old's cliff jumping!

I shot guns!

Got stuck in dryers!

Played "Are you there?" (for those of you who don't know:  "Are you there?" is a game where you roll up two newspapers with duct tape, give those weapons to two people, blindfold those people, and watch them wallop on each other.  I got many a good bruises and goose eggs from that game!  Whether it was from actually getting hit, or diving head on into a fireplace corner.)

I was once so fun that I found the secret entrance to Narnia through a bush in St. George!

And to top it all off, I eat with my face.  Wait, technically everyone eats with their face because your mouth is part of your face.  What I mean is I eat without my arms.

The point of this blog is to point out that I have become a sad sedentary college student, and that must change.  So please, dear friends, next time you're planning on doing something fun INVITE ME!

Communication is Key

I recently came across a website called Formal Notices from the Bureau of Communication.  It is this really great site that was created to help people better communicate by introducing a fill in the blank letter for all kinds of things.  There is a formal apology, a statement of gratitude, a declaration of romantic intent, a marriage proposal, and even a universal non-disclosure agreement.

Obviously I found this absolutely brilliant and hysterical.  So I made this Declaration of Romantic Intent and I sent it to Josh.

As you will notice in the Please Reply portion I have checked Immediately, In Writing, and With Enthusiasm.  And this is how he chose to reply:

I got home from MacBeth rehearsal last night completely exhausted.  I have to wake up early for work every morning and stay up late for rehearsals so I'm usually super tired when I get home and I crawl right into bed.  When I laid down I felt a paper beneath my pillow, which was weird because my bed is my happy place and I refuse to bring homework into my happy place, so the likelihood of it being something of mine was very slim.  When I pulled it out it was a square piece of paper that said "#17  Because I'd still love you if you turned into a 'mole girl'."

My curiosity was peeked and I immediately started ripping apart my bedroom to find more of these wonderful little papers.  I have so far found numbers 15, 7, 9, 13, 4, and 5.  When I asked Josh about these delightful papers that were making my stomach do a number of gymnastic flips he sent me a text that said "Reasons why I lo... you're awesome.  #1 you will be taking the time to find all 35 reasons."

Clearly I have the coolest boyfriend in the world.  Well, he'd be even cooler if he would just tell me where he's hid the rest of these smile inducing papers, but he refuses.  Therefore I have drafted this official complaint:

The end.

Dear Young Man,

I have never talked to you, met you, or even seen you, I only know your name and what an amazing person you must be.  I want to take this time to thank you for reaching out to someone who is usually ignored by most of the teenagers her age.

My little sister is one of the most inspirational and amazing people I know.  She has been through her fair share of serious trials and probably about 15 more added onto that.  And even after all that she has been through, all that she deals with daily, and everything else in her life that I can guarantee she goes through when the rest of us don't see, she is the most loving and happy person I know.  She is constantly trying to make people smile, laugh, and just feel good about life.  She is the most loving person I know, but people don't seem to see that.

The only thing they see is a short, red-headed, socially awkward 16 year old who looks more like a 13 year old.  She may have some mental and physical differences, but no she is not in fact mentally disabled.  She may be slower than most when it comes to learning, she may not be as coordinated as most girls her age, and no she still doesn't eat solid foods and instead gets all her nutrition from a nutritionally enhanced drink, but she is an amazing person!  And when you take the time to get to know her you'll realize that and fall in love with her adorable personality.

You took the time to get to know her and saw how wonderful she was, and because of that you wanted to make her happy the same way she tries to make others happy.  I am so glad that you asked my sister to Homecoming!  No she probably didn't enjoy the day activity as much as everyone else (she can't actually golf, and she doesn't eat ice cream), and yes she will most likely cringe at how loud the music is (her ears are very sensitive and she hates loud noises), and yes she will get tired during the dance (probably before the dance is even half over), and no she probably won't have much to talk about with you (unless you talk about Pokemon or Avatar: the Last Airbender), but she is so excited to go the the dance with you.  And because you asked her she gets to experience something that we were never sure she would get to experience.

Thank you for being an amazing and caring young man, and asking my little sister to a High School dance.  It was incredibly thoughtful of you and I'm sure that as the schools star basketball player you could have asked anyone you wanted, but you asked her.  Thank you for that!  I appreciate everything you've done.  I'm impressed that you met my parents to ask about her likes and dislikes, and I'm impressed that you have taken one of your own fun High School nights and made it about someone else.

You are an amazing young man, and you will grow up to be an equally amazing man!  Thank you again for not only making my sister incredibly happy, but my whole family as well.

A Letter

Dear Old Man on a Horse,

You probably don't remember me, but I just want to take the time to thank you.  About 4 years ago I was having a really bad day, I can't remember why, but what I remember is that it was bad enough that I drove up into the mountains alone so I could cry where no one would see.  Unfortunately I didn't take into consideration people traveling on horseback which is why you stumbled upon me.  You knew nothing about me, but as soon as you saw a teenage girl crying on the hood of her car you got off your horse and attempted to comfort me.

Without saying anything you approached me and put your hand on my shoulder.  You kept your hand there until I looked up into you face and you smiled at me.  You told me you wouldn't leave until you saw a smile on my 'pretty' face.  Through my tears I managed to smile at you and when I did you laughed.  It was such a cute old man laugh that I couldn't help smiling more.  You then picked up two stones off the ground and showed me one.  It was jagged and rough and you proceeded to tell me that life can be hard sometimes but if you keep smiling through the pain and anger things will get better.

You smiled at me one last time, dropped the rough stone, and handed me a very smooth rock.  

"You'll be alright." 

You waited for me to smile again, and then you turned around, got back on your horse, and rode away.

I've never forgotten the kindness you showed me that day.  And I still have that smooth stone you gave me.

Only adorable old men can get away with cheesy sayings that go along with stones picked up off the ground.  So thank you for taking the time to make a crying girl smile.  I wish you the best in life and know that you will be greatly rewarded in the afterlife for your kindness to a complete stranger.

Sincerely Amanda Dayton.

Doctor Who

. . . is dumb.

Yes, I know a ton of people are going to be really upset at me saying this, but it's the truth.  I do not like Doctor Who.

Yes, I've actually watched it.
Yes, I've given it a fair chance and watched multiple episodes.
Yes, I understand it.
No, I still do not like it.

Yes, David Tennant is attractive.
No, that is absolutely no reason to suffer through watching the show.
Yes, I've watched the old classic episodes as well.
No, I still don't enjoy the show.


My reasoning behind not liking Doctor Who: One of my all time favorite TV shows is Community, and on Community they created a TV parallel to Doctor Who called Inspector Spacetime that Troy and Abed are obsessed with.  The way they explain Inspector Spacetime is just so incredible that now Doctor Who can't possibly live up to my expectations of Inspector Spacetime.  Yes, you may think that is a dumb reason but I also don't care what you think because you are an annoying 'Whovian' and I am not.

Doctor Who is simply a boring television show that has not been capable of holding my interest.
The end.

The Truth

You know that feeling when you have a wonderful friend that you can rant to about the most random things who you know will never judge you no matter what you say?

Well I don't.

Hence this blog!

Ha! Hence. What a fun word!

Anyway...

I'm not entirely sure what I want to talk about, all I know is I want to blog about something because my stress level is at an all time high.

Amanda's Stress Level
On a scale from 1 to I'm Currently Craving Mashed Potatoes and Gravy I'm probably at a stress level of Let's Go Back To Thanksgiving Break because of the Mashed Potatoes, No School, and Lots and Lots of Pie!

Okay now onto a rant: Puppies are adorable and perfect and make people incredibly happy despite how stressed or mad or upset they might be.  Puppies make the world a better place and everyone should have a puppy at some point in their life.  Now cats on the other hand are evil and conniving and don't help people in any way, shape, or form.  Every cat in the entire world should be put on a spaceship and blasted off to Pluto.  We can keep the kittens around, but as soon as they become actual cats we have to ship them to Pluto.  The great thing about puppies is that they become dogs and dogs are still just as great as puppies!  They may not be as cute and small, but they are still loving and fun and awesome.  Kittens are evil, but at least their small adorableness makes up for their evilness, but when they become ugly cats there is nothing that can make up for the fact that the cats are plotting to take over the world!

Next: Lately I've been in the mood for chocolate eclair cake which is this delicious desert that I learned how to make when I took a cooking class in elementary school with my best friend Makayla Peterson.  Now that I think back on that cooking class I'm concerned for humanity.  Why were they letting small children use ovens and stoves and sharp knives with only one adult supervisor.  I could have potentially killed any one of those other kids at any point in time and probably would have even had time to plant evidence onto one of the other kids before the teacher ever even found the body.  Also, why did I take a cooking class?  I mean yes, I like food.  No, I don't mean that in a feminist "cook your own food" way.  I just really don't know why I was in that cooking class...

Next: Remember April 27th of 1994?  Yeah... me neither...

Next: Apparently the world is going to end in about a week and a half-ish. Or to be more specific; exactly 11 days if you don't count today but you do count the day the world is supposed to end.  I'm not sure how I feel about that...
I don't actually believe that the world is going to end, but I'm also not convinced that I will wake up alive that day.  I believe in the stupidity of mankind and honestly would not be surprised if someone ends up starting a nuclear war that day just because they believe everyone is going to die anyway.  Last time the world was allegedly going to end a huge group of people splurged on renting a mansion and committed a massive group suicide.  Moral of the story: some humans are just really dumb.

Next: Today is the very first day of finals week.  Monday December 10, 2012.  Guess when my only final is.  Friday December 14, 2012.  I get to stay here in Cedar City instead of going home for an entire week simply because I couldn't take my Modern final early.  Thank you the universe!  Sometimes your kindness shocks even me.

Nest:  I'm testing you.  Did you notice anything different about the beginning of this rant? No? Look again!

Next:  I want to play a game (said in the voice of Tobin Bell) with all of the Theatre Majors here at SUU.  It's called the Let's Not Spread Rumors game (and yes, that is italicized because I'm working on getting this game patented) and if you fail we will handcuff your left hand to the Adam's stage and leave you there overnight in a snowstorm with an electric blanket fifteen feet away from you and and a saw next to your left foot.  You must make a decision.  Try and survive the snowstorm and if you do suffer the humiliation of having everyone walk past you the next morning on their way to class or do something with the saw... I'm not sure what you would do yet.  The logistics of the game aren't completely worked out yet.  I'm still working on it...

Next: Pineapple's are delicious.  'Nuff said.

Next:

 I want an Abed.

Next: I have a disease.  It's called the Amanda is Awesome disease.  There is no cure.  This will only end in death.

Next: This blog post is named The Truth.  "Why?" you might ask.  And my response is, "Well that is a great question.  When you find out, please let me know."

Next: This is the end of my blog.

Love

Let's talk about love for a moment.

Love.

Now the moment is over.  Moving on.

Next topic is my relationship with literature:  I fell in love with books at a very young age...

Wait!  There's that word again.  Love.  Weird.

Moving on!

New topic:  Theatre!  That should be easy to talk about, right?  Because I love it so much...

Love!  What?  *awkward chuckle* No...

MOVING ON!

Topic number 3:  Love.

WOW!  This is just getting ridiculous now.

And no!  I'm not in love!

That's crazy talk.

Okay, but really, let's talk about love.

None of this love is patient, or love is kind crap either!  And don't get me started on this love is blind business.

Now lets take a moment and list all of the things that love isn't:  patient, kind, blind, easy, stupid, hard, worth it, wonderful, giddy, tiring, confusing, compassionate, freedom, truth, or any other random words you can think of.

Now onto the real purpose of this blog post, where I tell you exactly what love is:

Love is an absolutely terrifying creature from a place so dark and scary that even the depths of Edgar Allen Poe's mind cannot compare.  It is an invisible creature that can control our minds into thinking crazy thoughts of caring and compassion towards someone other than ourselves.  It is a sick sick beast who enjoys watching us pine over people we "care deeply" about when we should really just be focusing on our own happiness and satisfaction in life.  Love is a manipulative freak who also enjoys putting thoughts of joy and happiness into our heads when we are with certain people that we "love."

The worst thing that Love can do to you is have that one person you are pining over start "loving" you back.  It's absolutely disgusting!  Feelings get involved, people become mushy, marriage happens, and suddenly you have someone you must care about constantly as well as yourself.  That's just ridiculous!  We are selfish creatures, meant to only care about ourselves.  Love is messing with the very fabric of reality and that is why I propose we stop Love in his tracks!

We must form an anti-love campaign and ruin all of Love's plans.  I propose we start with kidnapping Love from his home in Amsterdam so he can't manipulate people anymore.  Then we hang him on a flagpole by his underwear and because he is invisible no one will ever know he's up there so he will never be rescued.  Therefore Love will forever be hanging from that flagpole by his underwear.  I believe that a permanent wedgie like that is exactly what Love deserves for what he has done to all these poor helpless people!

After putting Love on a pole we must save all the poor innocent people who have already fallen to Love's keen arrow.  We will snap everyone out of their love dazed minds and back into reality where we all use each other to get what we want without really caring for anyone else's feelings.  Then the world will be right again!

New Level of Nerd

Warning:  if you believe that I am a really cool person and have no nerdy tendencies at all you shouldn't read the rest of this blog post.  I would hate to let the few people down who actually think I'm awesome.  
Also if you value our friendship you will swear on the life of Scott Pilgrim that you will not judge me too harshly for the things you learn from this post.

I've always known that I am a little more nerdy than the rest of my family, and I've come to completely accept that in my life.  I love and enjoy my nerdiness, even if it may embarrass my jock brother.  But recently I have hit a new level of nerd that I never imagined possible!

Throughout the years I've noticed that there are many different kinds of nerds: gamer nerds, book nerds, computer nerds, anime nerds, comic nerds, art nerds, band nerds, theatre nerds, the role-playing nerd etc.

Side note: The more I keep typing the

word nerd it's starting to look less and

less like an actual word.

Nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd...

Being a nerd doesn't mean that you wear the stereotypical nerd glasses and that you can't associate with other people, especially the opposite sex.  Being a nerd simply means that you genuinely like stuff.  My favorite author John Green has a quote about being a nerd that I absolutely love: "Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. . . Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can't-control-yourself love it.  When people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is 'you like stuff.'  Which is just not a good insult at all.  Like, 'you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness'."

I believe in this 100%

Nerds like things, it's what we do!

I've always known that I'm a book nerd.  I learned about my love for reading at a very young age while discovering the wonders of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Amanda Pig, and A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I have continued to read as many books as I can possibly devour throughout my life.  

During my teenage years I learned that I was also a closet gamer nerd.  I love playing video games! The only problem is that I don't have money for them which is why that nerd side has always been less apparent.  And even though I have a younger brother we still don't have many video games at our house.  My brother has always been the sporty type who would rather go out and play catch than stay inside and play video games.

Eventually I found my overall passion in life when I discovered the theatre world!  Ever since then I have been a die-hard theatre nerd.  I audition for everything I possibly can, be involved in any way, and I'm currently working on getting my BFA in Musical Theatre.

I've also dabbled in comics, anime, and art, but the one thing I promised myself I would never do is the weird role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons or LARPing.  They were just so beyond nerdy that I honestly couldn't bring myself to even imagine participating in them.  My high school had a LARPing club that would meet after school once a week and they would fight in the common area with foam swords and axes.  After watching them a couple times I couldn't help but making fun of them with my group of friends.  They looked so completely ridiculous and it was just too easy to jab at what they were doing.  That was when I promised myself I would never become one of those people!

I eventually went on my merry way to college and found myself surrounded by wonderful theatre friends.  I never realized that when I picked my major it brought me one step closer to role-playing games. Theatre is role-playing.  That is what we are paid to do.  We pretend to be other people in front of an audience for the sole purpose of entertainment. . . obviously it was only a matter of time. . .

This school year I had the opportunity of becoming friends with an absolutely wonderful guy named Tony who happens to be very into D&D.  When I first learned this information I must admit that I laughed out of pure shock.  One thing you need to know about Tony is that he is absolutely gorgeous!  He practically has women throwing themselves on him left and right.  And I don't mean that in a rude way!  He's not a jerk about his good looks, and he doesn't take advantage of them either.  He's just a genuinely nice guy with a wonderful personality who happens to be very handsome as well.  So when I found out that Tony was one of those people I was surprised.  I had indulged the stereotype for too long that I couldn't imagine someone attractive and social actually participating in a role-playing game.

Then began my decent into the world of D&D.  It first started with Tony asking me if I would be interested in playing, then me being a little curious and saying maybe, and then actually following through with it, getting into a group, making a character, and proceeding to have the most awesome campaign of D&D that I could possibly imagine!  Tony is a complete genius when it comes to story telling and I have to admit that I loved every second of that game.  Even when I had my arm bit off by a dire wolf, or when we were tricked into killing the royal family, or when I found out that I had been unknowingly helping the bad guy throughout the entire campaign.  And even though I went on a horrific emotional roller coaster from being banished, to falling in love, to watching that love murdered, to being falsely accused, having my family be sentenced to death for those false accusations, to losing my only friend, eventually gaining him back, finding the survivors of my family, miraculously bringing my love back to life, and in the end finally realizing that the one bad guy that I had been chasing and planning revenge towards for all he had done to me was in fact not bad at all and instead just completely misunderstood and emotionally irrational just as I was, I can't imagine playing a better game!

So yes, I have become one of those people and I have to admit that it is absolutely wonderful!  D&D is a perfect game for theatre people because it's all about creating and embodying a character.  In fact I loved it so much and our group is so tight that we've already started working on getting our characters for the next campaign.

In conclusion:  I have in fact hit a new level of nerd.