Why I Act

I was talking to a co-worker recently about acting and after hearing some of his opinions on my biggest passion in life we got into a heated debate about why actors are some of the most genuine and courageous people.  My flustered and apparently biased opinions sadly did not sway this poor muggle into realizing that actors are indeed amazing as opposed to 'attention seekers who are too lazy to find real jobs.'  So I decided that I would turn to the internet and express my opinions here since my small minded jerk of a co-worker refused to completely hear me out. 

First let me address the problems of living an actors life: the off-stage drama, continual rejection, the constant physical and mental stress, needing a muggle job to get by, the worry of impressing others, the fear of letting your director down (or letting anyone else down for that matter), the constant pressure to do better next time, the crushing fear that you will never succeed, and a myriad of other issues.  And despite all of these frustrations, fears, and problems we still pursue our dreams.  It's truly amazing what actors put themselves through just to feel fulfillment.

I am continually impressed and shocked by the actors in my life.  They can face more rejection in one year alone than most people do in their entire life.  And despite all of that rejection they continue to expand their talents so they can kick butt at their next audition.  While pursuing this passion of mine I have discovered that actors truly are the most driven and courageous people on the face of this planet!  Even when actors don't get the part they wanted they look at that rejection as a learning opportunity.  Most people would give up after facing as much rejection as we do, but instead we take that rejection and turn it into fuel that drives us to work harder, get better, try new things, and overall become a more honest actor.

Every day actors all over the world are facing the reality of how difficult it is to pursue a life on the stage.  Never sure where their next paycheck will come from, unsure of where they will be in a couple months, and even when they have a great job they deal with the constant stretching of themselves, emotionally and physically, that comes with putting their soul into a role, taking risks, and dealing with the criticism and judgment of others.  Every day they have to ignore the possibility that they might simply be chasing a pipe dream and that they will never get that 'big break' they are searching for.  And despite all of this they continue to dedicate their lives to this dream.  But why?

Because actors are willing to give up the predictable milestones of a normal life (the car, the house, the family, the promotion) in search of a moment.  The line, laugh, gesture, song, dance, or even a simple look shared between two actors that will stir something in an audience members soul.  Actors dedicate their whole lives in search of these genuine moments on stage, and when you experience one of those moments all of the years of rejection and heartache simply melt away.  You can taste life, feel the magic, and in that moment you are as close to perfection as you have ever felt, you may even feel closer to God than you ever have before.  Those moments are worth a thousand lifetimes and that is why we are willing to dedicate our one life in pursuit of those moments.

Those moments are why I act.

Adult Life Tips

As a human being questing through life I have learned many lessons, and as a result I have come up with some life tips.  So to all of you who need some guidance through this weird world here you go:

1. Wear socks.  Seriously!  If you're wearing shoes then PLEASE wear socks with them.  If you don't your feet will reek like none other, and how are you supposed to win at life if you have stinky feet? 
2. Always have cereal and milk at your house.  Sometimes you just need food NOW and preparing something to eat is just out of the question; even boiling water for Ramen is hard sometimes.  So just pour yourself a nice bowl of cereal and eat up!
3. Just do it.  You know that thing you're supposed to do but you don't want to?  Do the thing!
4. It's okay if you don't know how to pronounce that word.  Yes, you've probably read it a thousand times, and you know exactly what it means, but that doesn't mean you've ever heard it pronounced before.  So don't sweat it when you're entire cast starts making fun of you.
5. There's a feat for that.  And by feat I mean an Internet tutorial.  If you need/want to do something I'm almost positive that there will be a tutorial for it, whether on youtube or wikihow.  Just google it.
6. Use Q-Tips.  Use them.  Do it!
7. Invest in good underwear.  Seriously, a good pair of underwear can go a long way.  If you're having a bad day and you are wearing that horrible pair of underwear that make you feel itchy and uncomfortable, it makes that bad day so much worse.  So just throw that underwear away and buy yourself some nice ones!
8. Wear deodorant.  Don't you want to smell good?
9. Plants trick people into thinking you have your life together.  Even if it's just that fake tree in your house that you stole from your former dorm.  Or even better, get a cactus!  They're real and require very little effort.
10. Be yourself.  Unless you're a fairy.  Then be a fairy.
11. Duct tape is amazing.  It can do everything from holding your super attractive James Dean cutout together all the way to keeping children in their cribs while you're babysitting.  (There is a story behind that last one, if you're interested in hearing it just ask.)
12. Bubble wrap can be an acceptable gift.  Think about it.  If you were having a birthday and somebody gave you bubble wrap wouldn't you be totally psyched?
13. Don't sneeze when you need to pee.  Or laugh.  Or cough.  Or anything else like that.
14. Keep your eye on the ball.  Whether you are playing ball, watching, or simply in the same room as a ping-pong table, the second you stop watching that ball will be the second it decides to bop you on the head.
15. If you know you're wrong, admit it.  Unless you want to be a fart bag.  Then have fun smelling like butt all your life.
16. When life gives you lemons, take them.  Free stuff is great.  Then you can put lemons in your water, and that's fantastic!
17. Only trust people who like big butts.  They cannot lie.
18. Go after what you want.  Whether it's that cute guy/girl you randomly see or your dream job.  Go for it!  Even if it doesn't work out you at least tried, and more importantly now you know what not to do next time.
19. Make sure you have your keys before locking your car.  Trust me on this, it only takes a couple extra seconds to check.  Plus if you lock your keys in your car you will have a terrible day and most likely pee your pants in your bosses office, and nobody wants that.
20. Don't trust boys, they'll break your stuff.  Sometimes it's your heart, sometimes your patience, and other times it's your Gameboy and you could just wring their little neck for even touching it. 
21. Don't harshly judge others.  Yes, I know that guy who sits on the corner and squeals like a pig when people walk by may creep you out a bit.  But maybe he's working through some stuff and this is the only way he knows how.
22. Always speak politely to an enraged dragon.  And by enraged dragon I mean me when I'm angry.  Seriously, don't do it.  For your own safety.
23. Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn.  'Nuff said.
24. Llamas with Hats make everything better.  Broken hearts, broken bones, broken Gameboys.  Simply laugh away the pain.
25. Eat what you want, when you want.  And if people make fun of you for your weight, just eat them too.
26. Always carry salt with you.  You never know when your going to need to make a salt circle to cower in while waiting for Dean to come save you.
27. Own lots of scarves.  Not only do they keep you warm when it's cold outside, but they also look good, and can be used to hide that really weird rash you got as an allergic reaction to an antibiotic you were taking.
28. Get a library card.  Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card.
29. Climb lots of trees.  You get to see more when you're up in a tree.  Plus the better you are at climbing the closer you are to being Katniss.
30. Learn how to change a tire.  You never know when you're going to be traveling with a good guy friend who doesn't know how and will need you to show him the way to manhood.
31. Use your skill points wisely.  Not only does this apply to D&D, but it's useful in life as well.  Use your hours wisely and practice whatever you want to get better at.
32. Don't enter the pool by way of stairs. It's just not cool man.
33. Never mention a sunburn to your friends.  They will make you feel the burn in the worst way possible.
34. Learn how to drive a manual car.  You never know when your going to get the chance to drive a really fun and fast car.  It would be so sad if you couldn't take the opportunity simply because you've never mastered the stick shift.
35. It's okay to go to the movies by yourself.  Sometimes it's even better than going with other people.  
36. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.  You never want to accidentally wake someone up.
37. If you have to be in a fight punch first and punch hard.  Especially if your small like me.
38. You're never too old to need you mother.  Trust me, she has great life advice.  Utilize this!
39. If a street performer causes you to stop walking then you owe them a dollar.  If it entertains you enough to stop and watch you can spare the four quarters.  And if it's really entertaining then I'm sure you can scrounge up a couple more bucks.
40. Don't knock it till you try it.  I'm not saying you have to try it, just don't judge it when you have no life experience with it.
41. Don't underestimate easy shots in a game of HORSE.  In all honesty I usually lose when I try to make trick shots, but when I play easy I at least get close to winning.  But to be even more honest, I hardly ever win.  Maybe even never.
42. Make sure people know you're awesome.  Guys, just so you know, I'm the most awesome person in the universe.

I could go on... but that requires more brain power than I want to use right now.

New Year Resolution

I have never kept a New Year resolution, so this year I'm going to set some goals that I am actually capable of keeping.

1. Don't die.
2. Read some books on my reading list.
3. Audition for stuff.
4. Eat healthier.
5. Forget number 4 and order that dessert you want!
6. Play more video games.
7. Exercise when I feel like it.
8. Laugh more, or cry more. Whatever works.
9. Watch some Netflix.
10. Do my job.
11. Do some blogs.
12. Wear clothes.
13. Be with my friends.
14. Be with my family.
15. Love some people.
16. Stop loving others.
17. Start loving new ones.
18. Continue being a smokin' hot babe!
19. Do a thing. Or do the thing. Either one.
20. Drink water.
21. Sing some songs.
22. Keep on being a human.
23. Don't ever give into the aliens.
24. Live life.

Girlfriend Resume

Education

The School Of Life, Planet Earth (1992 - present)
Masters in Human Functioning with an emphasis is Sarcasm

• Practical skills in how to communicate and interact with other humans
• Rudimentary knowledge on courtship, dating, romance, and how to Human

Southern Utah University, Cedar City, Utah (2010 - 2014)

BFA in Musical Theatre

• Skills in acting, singing, and dancing
• Ability to entertain other humans
• I am a goofball

Davis High School, Kaysville, Utah (2007-2010)

Class of 2010

• I graduated High School and therefore have my life together

Romantic Experience

First Boyfriend, aka Guillermo

Young, Desperate, and Naive (2008 - 2010)

• Acquired basic skills in dating
• Gained experience in managing arguments
• Brought on a new respect for myself

Second Boyfriend, aka Batman

Still learning (2010 - 2011)

• Gained more experience in dating and romance
• Obtained a knowledge on dating outside of the LDS religion
• Acquired moderate listening skills with a specialization in grown-up issues
• Learned a valuable lesson in dealing with ex-boyfriends

The Two Week Relationship, aka The Childish Adult

Confused and Bored (2011)

• Acquired skills in taking care of children (and adults who act like children)
• Strengthened my desire for a real man
• Gained a new sense of playfulness in dating and romance

The Fling, aka The Older Man

Wild and Stupid (2012)

• Leveled up in dating boldness
• Learned the importance of fun and the value of consequences

Third Boyfriend, aka Jrshdfr

Older and Wiser (2013-2014)

• Gained experience in cooking for men
• Obtained an understanding of truly loving someone else
• Acquired an understanding of how it feels to not be loved in the way I deserve
• Learned the importance of dating someone with my same values

The Last Boyfriend, aka The RM

Excited to start something real (2014)

• Learned that nobody is perfect
• Gained experience in decrypting what men actually mean when they refuse to say what they want or need
• Realized that it is possible to love again after suffering a broken heart

Special Skills, Personal Achievements, and Interests

• Very good with children, and children with disabilities
• Incredibly fun person with skills in spontaneity
• Gorgeous
• Good kisser
• Outdoorswoman: activities include hiking, canoeing, river rafting, rock climbing, and camping
• Fluent in sarcasm, sass, and Syd the Sloth
• Skilled in baking, cooking, and basically following the recipe
• Beautiful
• Knowledge in how to human
• I am awkward, and I enjoy it
• Self diagnosed geek, need proof?
• Marvel Superheros
• DC Villains
• The Legend of Zelda
• D&D
• Avatar the Last Airbender
• HP? Always!
• Skyrim
• Pokemon
• John Green and DFTBA
• Miyazaki
• Stunning
• I can play the ukulele and sing, also the piano is a thing I can do
• Bo staff skills, nunchuck skills, computer hacking skills
• Avid quoter of movies, tv shows, and random obscure youtube videos
• Skills in cutting sandwiches into adorable shapes (kids love this)
• Occasional morbid sense of humor
• Capable of driving a manual car
• Very attractive and very humble about it

References

Frank Gasparro, Good friend

"It's a good thing you're pretty!" (said every time I do something awkward or strange)

McKenna Horman, Best friend

"I'll be your boyfriend."

Dorothy Dayton, Mother

"You're special... ed."

Video Blog

I've decided to start doing video blogs (or vlogs.)  Why, you may ask?

Reason #1:  John Green does them.

There is no need for any more reasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-4sGNhskJo

GO WATCH IT!!!

... please...

Step-by-Step How To Get a Boyfriend

Step 1: locate boy that you desire to be yours.

Step 2: never talk to boy.

Step 3: stalk boy in every way possible.

Step 4: pretend you just happened to be in the area when boy catches you following him.

Step 5: ignore the restraining order and continue to stalk boy.

Step 6: leave adorable presents on his doorstep that can possibly be mistaken as death threats.

Step 7: finally see him and profess your love for him in a public setting.

Step 8: write him every day from jail.

Step 9: think of him throughout the shock therapy.

Step 10: ignore the doctors who tell you that he isn't real.

Step 11: cry when he doesn't come visit you.

Step 12: physically hurt everyone who tells you that you're crazy.

Step 13: make a miraculous recovery after 5 years of intense rehab.

Step 14: locate boy and explain to him that you were lying to the doctors when you told them that you understood that he wasn't real.

Step 15: ditch your probation officer and move to Paris to live with said boy.

Step 16: marry said boy in a small ceremony in your shared apartment.

Step 17: live happily ever after.

Dear man who commented on my high-waisted jeans,

Wow. 

Just wow.

First off, it's a good thing I didn't wake up and get dressed with the sole purpose of pleasing you, because I obviously would have failed in that attempt.  I'm very grateful that girls don't choose their clothing based on what they think guys like you will enjoy.  If girls started to dress solely to impress you then strip clubs would start going out of business.  Instead all the misogynistic pigs like you could just sit on street corners and goggle at us as we walked by.  So I'd like to take a moment and thank all the women of this world for not putting strip clubs out of business.

Second, if you're going to talk about a girl who is only ten feet away from you maybe you should learn how to whisper.  It's a really great skill to have and I'm sure if you look on youtube you could find some tutorials that would help you out.  That way this girl won't accidentally hear what you are saying about her and shake up your already opened 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew when you leave your cart unattended.  Also, why was that open?  Could you really not wait ten minutes to start drinking it?

Thirdly, no.  As a matter of fact I do not secretly weigh 250 lbs.  If I could somehow manage to hide an extra 132 lbs. of fat in these jeans then you can be gosh darned sure that I am going to keep them and wear them every day because they have got to be some freaking magical pants!  So therefore your argument in null and void, because with the way you were checking me out I'm sure you'd rather see a 118 lb. girl in high-waisted jeans than a 250 lb. girl in anything else.

Last of all, you look like a half orc who took a nasty cheese grater to the face.  So maybe instead of insulting pretty girls with your semi-better-looking brother you should join a gym and invest in some decent acne wash.  Then maybe you might be able to get a girlfriend and spend your time making out instead of wandering around Walmart with your little brother.

Also, flip flops? Really?  You do realize that your feet are disgusting, right?  Sorry, I guess I just assumed that anyone with large grossly hairy feet like yours would know not to display them in public.  But I guess we learned with your failed attempt at whispering that you don't have that many brain cells.

Love, the super sexy girl you wish you could get but can't because your social skills suck.